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I already had a long-running debate with the Holy Spirit about marrying Irewamiri. I already had enough head knowledge as her pastor to place her in a box. I saw her skip services. I knew she did not like anything ministry. She was not even baptised in the Holy Ghost like some of us.

To crown it all, we were preparing for a meeting, and many people in the church were working, and she “sneaked” home after doing some little work. I ranted to the Lord, “She cannot do this work. She cannot”.

What did the Lord say and show to me? First, the Lord said, “Whatever is wrong in your life is your responsibility”. That was too hard. The second was that she had a minor accident on the day I thought she sneaked home. She was in pain and still showed up. I was judgmental without having the whole picture.

There are times a husband can wrongly conclude that the woman is lazy because he does not have the whole picture. If you return to a messy home, it is not necessarily proof that your wife is lazy. It could be proof that you have active kids. You may not imagine how many times she has cleaned up that space before giving up.

And by the way, who says the man cannot clean up the mess. House chores have no gender label. Even Jesus made breakfast for the disciples.

“When they got there, they found breakfast waiting for them—fish cooking over a charcoal fire and some bread.”
John 21:9 NLT

Second, are you sure you have a full picture of the season your spouse is going through? If your wife just gave birth and you keep complaining about her body shape, you are being insensitive. You may be verbally hitting and abusing a woman who cried all night and is battling with her looks.

But what if indeed they are lazy? What should be done? Paul spoke to the Church in Thessalonica about lazy people. His counsel is still sound:

Don’t you remember the rule we had when we lived with you? “If you don’t work, you don’t eat.” And now we’re getting reports that a bunch of lazy good-for-nothings are taking advantage of you. This must not be tolerated. We command them to get to work immediately—no excuses, no arguments—and earn their own keep. Friends, don’t slack off in doing your duty. If anyone refuses to obey our clear command written in this letter, don’t let him get by with it. Point out such a person and refuse to subsidise his freeloading. Maybe then he’ll think twice. But don’t treat him as an enemy. Sit him down and talk about the problem as someone who cares.
2 Thessalonians 3:10‭-‬15 MSG

Educate them on the consequences of laziness. If you do, you will be empowering their laziness. Urge them to work so they can earn a living. Make sure their attitude does not affect your acts of kindness.

If you have done all and they are still so proud, bitter and maybe violent in their laziness, stop spoon-feeding them. Cut off your supplies from them. Let them carry their shame.

temilOluwa Ola, Eruwa

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