DEAR COUPLE, YOU CAN BOND OVER TASKS

Sometimes this year, I went visiting my parents. I met both of them in the kitchen. Dad was peeling the potatoes while Mum did some washing at the sink. I looked at them both and had a good laugh. My dad said to me, “I don't want my wife to start looking older than her age”. We had another laugh! They are old but their love for each other is still as fresh as ever!

Couples should not complain that they do not have talking time. If you help each other in the kitchen or at laundry, you will talk about things. Be intentional about it. Even if you have staff doing those things, find other things to bond over.

I remember that the days that my Dad did the cooking were actually memorable meals- even when the food had limitations. The joy at home that day is actually different. There is a lot of energy at home. Do all you can to have such atmospheres.

Dear husband, if you have ever mistakenly added more than enough salt to meal and the family ate with love, you will withhold your harsh words and act graciously the day your wife does the same.

It is only the hands that are not on deck that can point fingers. The same hand that works in the bedroom must be willing to work in the kitchen. When hands are joint, the home is built but when fingers are pointed, the home is stalled and at times destroyed.

Dear wife, the first ever mistake a woman will make (especially if you are married to a man who has a deep cultural mindset) is to drop words like a tap at every opportunity trying to force him to comply. Such words toughen men. They will end up seeking to prove their position or prove a point. It becomes highly difficult to get his support.

For both husband and wife, gentle answers still touch the deepest points in anyone's heart.

“A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1 NKJV

The best time to talk about tough times is in good times. If you raise issues only when there are issues, you are acting like a farmer who waters the plant at the peak of the heat of the sun. Your intention is good but the result will be terrible.

Except you are married to a man who is insensitive or probably lazy, no man that is well groomed would hear the soft words of a loving wife and not rise up to do something about it.

That is why it is important that you marry a man who is trained and teachable. The words you say to him during the day that he disagrees vehemently with will haunt him at night as the Holy Spirit (the teacher) brings it to light.

Often times people do not get annoyed because of what is said but because of how it was said. A wise Abigail can turn the mind of an angry David as long as he is not a foolish Nabal.

Two wrongs would never make a right. Do not prove a point and then lose your relationship. Do not win the argument while you lose the agreement you really seek!

Husbands, you need to take a pause and listen to what your woman has not said. You want her looking amazing at 40. You must be willing to pay the price for it. Pick her heartbeat. Even if you cannot open the door of the car for her, open the door of your heart and be open to be of help.

There are men who see their mum worked up and silenced by tough dads but unfortunately still tread the same path. Doing it differently does not and will never hurt.

“Let every husband be filled with cherishing love for his wife and never be insensitive toward her.” Colossians 3:19 TPT

We have a long standing principle that has helped us grow: anytime we work together, we stick together. Hence, we rejoice at every opportunity to work together.

Once in a while, find tasks that bond you even if you have staff doing it for you.

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