OUR SEX LIFE AS A COUPLE IS A MESS. CAN WE WATCH PORNOGRAPHY?
A young couple was spending some time with us. While interacting with them, we began to probe and ask questions about their union and especially their sexual bond as a young couple. We shared tips and educated them about things that will help their sexual bond and the actual act itself. At one point, we mentioned that pornography was not an option.
They were both elated, and the husband said to us, “Pastor, you have helped us today. We were getting frustrated, and I was about to recommend watching pornography to spice things up. Pastor, you have spoken by the spirit”. They left encouraged.
Get this clearly: Pornography will not help you in any way. It is a trap that will wreck your marriage. It will open the door for the spirit of lust to rampage your home. You will eventually be addicted to what is not helpful.
First, think about the scenarios of your own marital life. You probably both have a nine-to-five job that takes your time. You may have to spend some time in traffic coming home. At times, you return with some office work. You still have house chores to fix. You get to bed tired, and the next thing on your mind is to sleep.
Those who shot the porn video are actors and actresses. That is their nine to five. Your life is not a movie. You are not an actor or an actress.
You need to master emotional intelligence. You must stay in communication and help each other all day to reduce stress, prepare the mind, and spice up things romantically. That itself is work.
Second, is it normal to have sex with cameras and crew right on you? It is absurd. To do this, you need to be either high on drugs or demons. It is not normal. You cannot watch that and then come home to tell your spouse to start doing weird things. No! Are you high?
Third, pornography will introduce unhealthy comparisons. You will begin to compare your wife’s shape to that of a stranger. You will begin to say, ‘you did not do it like that man’. That’s trouble. God wants you to discover one another without anyone to compare with. That’s how you bond.
Fourth, your self-esteem will become battered because you cannot be like one actor or actress. Your self-image becomes distorted. You lose pride in who God has made you while you chase an elusive image as you keep falling into a bottomless pit. You begin to ask, ” Am I not good enough?”
Fifth, you will begin to see your spouse as an object to be used and not a person to be loved. Sex before marriage which is a sin, is always selfish. It is about satisfying burning passion. Sex in marriage is holy. It only makes sense when your spouse is satisfied. It cures you of selfishness. Your focus is not self.
Do not be tempted to watch pornography before marriage. It is a trap. That is not how a believer learns.
Friends and sexual bonding will take time and growth. Do not be in a hurry. Laugh at each other when you do not get it right. You will still try again. Listen to counsel and have conversations around it. If there is a small group for young couples in your church, be a part. Learn from your peers in a godly way.
temilOluwa Ola, Eruwa