RELATIONSHIPS TO BEWARE OF (3) 

A dear teacher shared the story of a man who got the opportunity to work in the same university and department that he graduated from. He was the best-graduating student in his department and he was offered both a job and an academic scholarship. He got an unusual counsel from one of the professors in his department. 

He counselled him to turn down the offer. He also counselled him to pursue his academic growth in another university instead of theirs. Why? He told him that he would be limited in his alma mater not because he would not be exceptional or not because he was not brilliant but because no matter how exceptional or brilliant he is, they (his teachers) would always see him as their student and “their boy.” He took the counsel and he grew to become one of the best in his field of endeavour. 

Beloved, one of the relationships you must be cautious about is those who keep seeing you and treating you the same way they have always seen and treated you. Their perception of you still remains in the past. 

For instance, do you know why Jacob thought he could bribe Esau with gifts? He never thought that Esau would really do well since he was the one who had the blessing. What was Esau’s response? 

Esau asked, “What’s the meaning of all these flocks and herds I met?” “To find favor in your eyes, my Lord,” he said. But Esau said, “I already have plenty, my brother. Keep what you have for yourself.”

Genesis 33:8-9 NIV

Esau seems shocked. What is the meaning of all these? He then said, “I already have plenty”. In another rendition, it says: 

Esau said, “Oh, brother. I have plenty of everything—keep what is yours for yourself.”

Genesis 33:9 MSG

Did you see “of everything”? Maybe Jacob must have been shocked. If Jacob who had the blessing went through this ordeal, he must have thought to himself that Esau must be really worse off. 

Another version says ” I have enough.” Esau said, “I have enough.”

There are times when people have placed you in a mould. No matter how many miracles Jesus performed, he would always be the Carpenter and their “homeboy” among his own. It was a battle that restrained him from being a blessing to them. 

Isn’t this the carpenter? Isn’t this Mary’s son and the brother of James, Joseph, Judas and Simon? Aren’t his sisters here with us?” And they took offense at him.

Mark 6:3 NIV

One of the wisdom of relating with people is knowing when seasons have shifted. People grow. Relationship dynamics will change. There are still your friends but will you speak and treat them with honour? Stop talking like you are still secondary schoolmates. He is now a top executive. Do not talk him down in front of his staff or employees or juniors. That is unwise.

Some people do not even pick simple body language. They will keep saying, “What is wrong with ‘this one’? You want to be forming because you are now so and so.” The person is keeping quiet and calm while you rant on. You just lost a relationship. 

If their perception of you remains in the history you shared and nothing about the future you see, that relationship will not last. You must not take them for granted but you must also discern those who cannot travel far with you. Some can no longer be the custodian of your valuable and priceless information. Why? Their perception is poor. People will not treat you better than they perceive you.

The positive side to it all is that you need such people to remind you of where you used to be (so you can be grateful to God) but you will not need them as intimates because they will never respect or honour what God is currently doing in your life. They expect to see you how they left you. No! Discern such people and be watchful. Treat them well but do not leave them in your inner circle.