THE GOAL IN MARRIAGE IS NOT “TO BE RIGHT”

There was a time when we had quite some financial constraints. The day came when all the matters came to the surface.  They refused to be buried. Our communication broke down. The atmosphere at home was very tense. I knew something had to be done.

I reached out to my spiritual father and sought counsel. The counsel he gave changed my life and my marriage forever. One of them was simple:

“Pastor Temi, when you are discussing these critical issues, and it seems to be getting heated. Take a pause. Look at your wife and say to her, ‘Darling, I know we have these touchy issues to discuss. I can see it is getting heated. Please know that I love you and we will get through this. Would you permit us to continue this conversation later when we are less tense? I really do love you'”.

It worked like magic. We eventually overcame all the issues.  Small issues will look like mountains when there is no warmth towards each other, and you discuss like adversaries in a courtroom instead of taking on the matters as comrades in arms against an issue.

Years later, Irewamiri returned from a mentoring meeting with our spiritual parents with the perfect statement that describes it all:

“The Goal of Marriage is to be One and not to be Right”

You should print that and place it everywhere you can see it.

A lot of couples are fighting for their right instead of fighting to be one. When you focus on being one, the issues you were fighting over will suddenly become a thing of the past.

Paul, the apostle, has an admonition for you:

1 Corinthians 7:4 MSG

Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other…

In any marriage where standing for rights is the goal, it becomes difficult to sit down and talk through issues. It also becomes so hard to find rest.

Why score cheap points that can lead to a costly end? Why stand on a point while you lose your spouse?

When was the last time you really served one another?

When last did you both talk about an issue without attacking one another?

When last did you laugh hard after a matter was solved?

Where there is no warmth, issues are served hot and the pressure in the marriage can lead to a breakdown.

Are you trying to be right? You will end up proving a point.

Are you trying to be one? You will end up winning a partner?

The ball is in your court. temilOluwa Ola, Eruwa