THE MARRIAGE COVENANT (6) – THE PLACE OF MUTUAL RESPECT 

When crisis hit the marriage, their spiritual parents stepped in to salvage the situation. The woman’s response was the death knell that marriage needed. She said to them, “Dad and Mum, I honour you both deeply and hold you in high regard. You know I would always do all I can to honour and obey you. If this were some months ago, I would have gladly changed my mind, but now, I cannot any longer”. They had to honour her decision. This was the voice of a woman who had been continually trampled upon. 

At another time, a husband returned home and realized that his wife had packed her belongings and left the house. He called his pastor to explain what happened. When the wife would respond, she said, “I am surprised he is calling you now. Anytime I told him that I would tell you about the things he was doing, he would tell me he didn’t care and that I should go ahead. He does not respect you, sir”. 

To respect means that you have due regard for the feelings and wishes of your spouse. It means you consider how your spouse feels before you make a decision. It means you consider their wish and you do not disregard their wishes. In the depth of respect, it is true that even a wish can become a command. 

When your wife says, “I wish you would create more time for the children and me”, take it as a command. That is what respect does. That is your appraisal report coming in; if you disregard it, you may not have a home one day. That habit of checking your phone while your spouse is talking to you must end. You cannot keep saying, “I am listening to you” while you scroll through reels. Those who said, “The eyes must be involved in conversations” are right. When disregard builds up, the cracks begin to show. 

If you continue to disrespect your spouse, you are not wise. Respect is a strong binding agent in marriage. No one wants to stay where they are continually disrespected. You cannot treat your spouse like a slave and expect them to bring out the qualities of royalty. 

Simple things like communicating about your movement are very essential. There are things that your spouse should not be finding out from a third party. If you respect your spouse, carry them along. No one wants to be treated like an outsider in their own marriage. 

When the all-male council sat over Vashti’s case, their fear was that her action would trigger a chain of disrespect in the kingdom. Men love respect: 

Esther 1:17-18,20 NLT

Women everywhere will begin to despise their husbands when they learn that Queen Vashti has refused to appear before the king. [18] Before this day is out, the wives of all the king’s nobles throughout Persia and Media will hear what the queen did and will start treating their husbands the same way. There will be no end to their contempt and anger. [20] When this decree is published throughout the king’s vast empire, husbands everywhere, whatever their rank, will receive proper respect from their wives!”

In describing a widow who should be honoured, Paul mentioned that she should have been faithful and also said this: 

1 Timothy 5:10 NLT

She must be well respected by everyone because of the good she has done. Has she brought up her children well? Has she been kind to strangers and served other believers humbly? Has she helped those who are in trouble? Has she always been ready to do good?

Respect your wife.

Respect your husband.

Respect the covenant.