THE MARRIAGE COVENANT (8) – BE FOCUSED ON YOUR PART

In my days in the secondary school, we had what we called “Morning Duty”. For the male students, it was mostly cutting grass. A prefect would assign portions. When you come, you will see those who did theirs and those who did not. You will see neatly cut portions among tall grasses. On the day of reckoning, the question will be “Who left this portion undone”. 

It is the same in marriage, each spouse has a portion assigned to them by the Lord. If the husband says that the reason why I did not love my wife as the Lord commanded is because of her attitude, the husband will be judged for not loving. The same applied to the woman also. You will be judged for the portion you were assigned. 

If any student says, “I refused to do my portion because others did not do theirs as well”, such a student will also suffer the same fate as the others. 

A husband once sent a message ranting about all the things his wife did and saying he was not sure he could sustain the journey. He has a long list of what the wife was not doing well. He sounded frustrated. He felt like the marriage would not work any longer. I asked him whether he was faithful with doing in his portion. His double standard was exposed. 

In the Covenant, you are Responsible to demonstrate and fulfill your own terms, even if your spouse is not fulfilling theirs or responding accordingly. This is why you must die to self.

There are two modes that people enter into when issues are raised in marriage:

The defensive mode. In the defensive mode, you are quick to bring up reasons why you acted in a particular way. You quickly begin to point out your intention that your spouse did not see clearly. You defend your actions instead of listening to what your spouse is saying. 

The deflective mode. In the deflective mode, you are quick to point out the areas where your spouse is also not doing well. Instead of owning responsibility for the matter that has been raised, you will rather point fingers also. 

Both the defensive and defective mode will put your marriage in a defective state! You will be infected with hurts, unsettled issues and affection will begin to dry up. Your conversations will become draining. You will start avoiding conversations. 

What does the Word say? 

Romans 12:18 GNT

Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybody.

If this is the standard for general relationships, what do you think will be the standard for covenant relationships like your marriage? Won’t the standard be higher? 

What should you do instead? Focus on fulfilling your own part without complaining. Husband focus on loving your wife. Wife, focus on respecting your husband. Do your part. Do it well. 

When both parties are committed to doing their part no matter what, marriage becomes sweeter.