THE WEIGHT OF WORDS IN MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE (4)

I still remember the exact spot where we were that day. Irewamiri sneezed, and I said to her, “Same to you.” She exploded. “Are there any words of kindness in your diary? What happened to ‘Sorry dear’ or ‘Bless you dear’? What is the meaning of ‘Same to you.’ It is better not to speak at all.”

I was in shock. I told her I was just playing with her. She would not have that kind of play at all. Then I quietly asked, “I have been saying this for a long while. I did not know it was hurting to you at all. I am sorry”. I became very careful with my words, especially my practice of sarcasm.

It is very important that you weigh the impact of your words on your spouse. Are there things you say that your spouse withdraws into him or herself? Do you even notice at all?

One of the things that cause issues in communication is misinterpretation of intent.
Most times, rather than asking for clarity or telling the partner that it hurts, the partner keeps it in mind and brings it out as a weapon on a day that it will hurt or just responds in anger.

Silence is not necessarily proof that all is well. A high voltage may be passing through the mind of your spouse. The day it comes out, it could be deadly. A quiet spouse may have trouble loading. Be sensitive.

Do not clothe your thoughts in wicked sarcasm. It hurts deeply, especially when you have a smart spouse who can read between the lines. I have seen it tear couples apart.

Never use the word “Always”. Once you use that word, it has moved from discussing issues to attacking the person. You are saying it is a pattern and a character issue. Focus on resolving the issues before you. It helps communication.

There is power in a gentle answer. It turns away wrath. Respond gently during a disagreement. It douses the tension.

Proverbs 17:14 NIV
Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.

Learn how to drop the matter before it becomes a major issue. Respond gently no matter what. You may be under pressure to react, but ask for grace to respond.

Proverbs 15:1 TPT
Respond gently when you are confronted and you’ll defuse the rage of another. Responding with sharp, cutting words will only make it worse.

May your words, consciously and unconsciously spoken, build your spouse and your home.