THINGS TO SETTLE BEFORE MARRIAGE (3)

She felt so terrible. She still could not believe that she actually fornicated. Her mind was troubled. She knew she had to settle it with God. She prayed till she sensed a relief.

She then called the “man in her life”. She began to express regrets and said such would never happen again. The man smiled and said to her, “It is no big deal”. He may be bearing a Christian name but he had no Christian values. She ran for her life but not without a life-time lesson learnt.

Beloved, one of the things that you must settle before marriage is simple: Do we share the same value system? Values are the “Why” behind our “What”. “What did you do?” is not as deep as “Why did you do it?”

Your value system is a portrait of the lines that you will never cross. For instance, you can have a value system that says “No matter what, family must stay together”. So when you get a job offer in Switzerland, you know your home cannot be in Sagamu. Whatever will separate you from your family receives an absolute “No”.

Hence, you will find it hard marrying a person who believes more in taking opportunities that brings the family financial leverage even if it means the husband or the wife has to be a shuttling spouse- 3 weeks away, 3 days around. You must clarify your values.

A lot of folks get married before they realise that there are questions about value systems that they never asked nor answered. They only assume that they have the same values.

You believe in giving your tithe to God while your spouse calls it nonsense- clarify your values. You can never joke with commitment in a local church while your spouse thinks attendance is enough- clarify your values.

You believe that buying party clothes is a sign of showing commitment to friendship but your spouse believes that there are other ways of showing such commitment- clarify your values.

A woman may need to clarify what he understands by submission so that you do not become a modern slave in marital chains to a man without an inch of respect and love for you. He cannot lay down his life for you but his first scripture is “A wife must submit…” Check closely if he is submitted to anyone at all.

Values are binders when you are on the same page but they can become dividers when you are on different pages.

Abraham showed us how important value systems are in his conversation with Eleazar just before getting a wife for Isaac.

Abraham wants a wife for Isaac from his own people and the wife must be willing to come to where they have settled as a family. Eleazar asked, “If the woman refuses to come, can I take Isaac to where she is?”

Do you know Abraham’s response? “Make sure that you don’t send my son back there! If the young woman is not willing to come with you, you will be free from this promise. But you must not under any circumstances take my son back there.” Genesis 24:6‭, ‬8 GNT

Abraham had a strong family value system. Abraham also had a strong value system about his walk with God. For Abraham, anything or anyone that will make him lose the ground that he has gained in God is a no-go area.

Can you imagine the pain in Moses’s family because of the issue of circumcision? For Moses, it was a covenant but for Zipporah, it was pure wickedness. Is your value system the same?

What helped Joseph in his decision making when he discovered that Mary was pregnant in a manner beyond his comprehension? His ability to hear and his desire to obey God. Can you imagine you have a value system of obeying God no matter what when your spouse believes just in facts and is led by the senses?

Clarify your value system!

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