WHY ARE YOU STRUGGLING TO FORGIVE YOUR SPOUSE?

My mother in the faith shared a story with us: One day, she had taken quite some time to clean the living room. She stepped out for a moment to get some other things done. By the time she returned to the living room, her son (who was still a toddler) had scattered all she took time to clean up. She was annoyed.

Amid the annoyance, her baby still came to her. She picked him up and carried him. That was when the Holy Spirit stepped in:

Holy Spirit: Did your baby boy annoy you?

Her: Yes, he did

Holy Spirit: But he still came to you and you carried him without hesitating.

Her: Yes. What else will I do? He is my baby.

Holy Spirit: Does your husband annoy you?

Her: Yes, he does.

Holy Spirit: Can you treat your husband like you have treated your baby? Why do you struggle to forgive him even after he has apologized?

Her: Silence!!!

That was the turning point in her marriage and especially her love walk towards her spouse. Indeed, the Spirit of God can guide us into all truth.

First, the fruit you produce is one of the signs that you have a solid walk with God. When a tree has attained maturity, we expect to see fruits. If indeed you are a mature believer, it must show in the fruits you produce.

Maturity is not known by gifts but by fruits. Maturity is not known by how penetrating your tongues are but by how large your heart is to walk in love. Maturity is not seen in how many people fall under the anointing as you minister in church but in how fast you can ask forgiveness when you are wrong or choose to forgive when you are right.

I saw an interesting definition of unforgiveness. It said it is a state of mental and emotional distress that results from a delayed response in forgiving an offender. It is characterized by indignation, bitterness, and a demand for punishment or restitution.

What do you gain from seeing your spouse go through emotional torture? What do you gain from “I want him/her to feel what I feel”? What do you gain from the silent treatment? Why does punishing your spouse delight you? Is it not strange?

Wait, let me show you something simple about how the devil takes position in many homes by sending his ambassador (an advanced team) called anger:

“Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.” (Ephesians 4:26-27 MSG)

When the devil wants to get a space to operate in any marriage, he sends anger in advance. If anger succeeds and you refuse to talk to your spouse overnight, you have allowed the thief (the devil) to operate overnight in your marriage. Imagine leaving the house open over the night unchecked for a thief- how many things will be missing?

Some married folks have given the enemy the keys to their marriage. He walks in and out as he wants now. Why? Anger succeeded in chasing love out! He has stolen their peace. He has stolen kind words. He has planted distrust. He is already stealing the souls of the children in the marriage. Do not let him do it. Shut the door now! Change the locks!

Wait a minute: Do you remember how warm your husband’s embrace used to be? Do you remember how you used to laugh at your wife’s dry jokes? Do you remember how your drive home would be intercepted with random touches of affection? Why would you let anger and unforgiveness steal all that goodness?

Go and fight for your marriage.

Go and hug your spouse.

Go and close the gap.

Let nothing come in between.

Your marriage was meant to be enjoyed till death do you part! Stop enduring. Stop sighing at intervals. Do the needful. It is not that hard! Ask the Spirit of the Lord for help.