YOUR INNER CIRCLE AND YOUR MARITAL CHOICE

I chose to carry my inner circle along once I sensed the Lord leading me to Irewamiri.

The first was my Spiritual Father. My spiritual father said to me: "Son, there are two things that are very important. First, be sure that you heard God. Second, do not marry a woman who does not believe in God's vision for your life. If you do, you will be frustrated for the rest of your life". I took that counsel like a command.

The second were my close friends. One friend who was already married said to me when I was complaining, "If you want a woman that is ready-made, then go to the boutique. If God has given you a teachable woman, you better rejoice".

A senior friend concluded the deal. He said, "The same God that told you she is the one will tell you when to ask her out. Right timing is as important as the right person".

If you are a believer with solid training, there are people in your life that you must carry along with your decision before you ever go ahead to ask out a lady or you say "Yes" to a proposal.

You should not come after you have made a commitment. You will only be informing them. You have already made a choice. Marriage is a life-time investment, do not rush into it emotionally. You must build in such a way that you will not need to spend on repairs.

You are making an investment decision. You consult before choosing a hair salon; you ask questions before selecting a car to buy; you make findings about the best airline to travel with. Suddenly, you become secretive when you want to make the critical choice of who to marry.

These relationships will not make your decisions for you but their questions and concerns will test the veracity of your claims.

Remember, you are the one in love. They will not be emotional. They will be more objective in their approach.

It is pure pride to say "It is my life and it is my decision so I do not need anyone's counsel". The weight of the counsel of fathers, teachers and believing friends on a marital journey is enough to save you the stress of emotional trauma in marriage.

A pastor shared about how a protege brought the man she desired to marry. Interestingly, the pastor had met the man through another lady who also introduced him as the man she wanted to marry in another location. Both ladies were saved from a disaster.

Emotions are more powerful than we think. Slow down and share with those you owe accountability. Do not talk to them after you have made a decision. Talk to them first. In the midst of godly counsel, your safety is guaranteed.

Most of the issues that pastors and family meetings try to settle in marriage are actually issues that proper guidance and probing would have exposed before marriage.

King Solomon asked that they bring a sword, the people must have wondered what was wrong with their king. The sword was not to divide the baby, it was to expose the folly of a false claim.

In the same way, when the sword of tough questions come, it is not to injure you or your intentions. The aim of accountability is to expose hidden issues that you may have glossed over. Submit your decision to the sword. It will expose folly and promote wisdom.

May you not take the wrong steps. Do not shield the man or woman from the process. Do not lie on his or her behalf. Do not cover up for them. Be sincere. Even if there are wounds, they can be addressed before they become gangrene in marriage.

One of the questions we always ask when we see marital problems is: “Did he or she not see this when they were unmarried?”

May the Lord help you.

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