DO NOT AVOID CONVERSATIONS THAT WILL KEEP YOUR MARRIAGE STRONG

Some time ago, I was away for a week-long meeting. The day I arrived was such a huge moment with Irewamiri and the children. Some hours later, I got an email from my wife. I was surprised. I read through it, and it highlighted the areas that she was grateful for in the journey of our marriage.

She spoke about how great a husband I had been, and I was blushing reading the mail. At the end of the mail, she highlighted areas that she wanted us to work on as a couple. 

It was tough reading through the loving “knocks and kicks.” It was easier to take in because I had highlighted some of the areas in self-appraisal a few days earlier. 

Dear husband/wife, one person that will see your weak spot is your spouse. You must be willing to listen to your spouse. They may say it in words and a tone you do not like; pick the good intention behind their concerns and decide to adjust accordingly. 

It can be tough accepting some feedback, but even when you fail by reacting wrongly initially, be quick to apologize for reacting negatively while you then seek to understand what is being said. It will help you both to communicate better. 

Feedback must be given in love and proactively. There are things you should overlook till you find the right time to talk about it or a moment when you can talk about it without the tone of anger or sentiments. You must remember that it is first about your husband or wife. Do not let issues kill the warmth. Love each other as you talk through the issues. 

The rule is that you are either responding or reacting. If you bottle up issues, you will react. If you want to spill it out spontaneously, you will also react. Know what you overlook. Find the right time and atmosphere for a conversation and build a strong relationship with your words and warmth. 

It will look and seem hard at the start, but keep learning. Be quick to apologize when you are wrong. Dear husband, do not let pride and ego kill the warmth in your home. Dear wife, stop bottling up issues till you explode.

What will help improve communication and reduce offences? You need to master what I will call the principle of intent and interpretation. 

There is no God-fearing spouse who would want to hurt you with their words and actions intentionally. There are times that emotions will take over, and they may spill over with words like, “Do you even care?”, “Leave me alone. I don’t want to see you” or even “You frustrate my life.” Words can tear into the soul and wreak much havoc. 

Also, forgiveness will be hard when a library of hurting words and moments has been built. You will realize that you interpret even loving actions in the light of your hurts and offences. 

Words are powerful building tools. Words can construct or destroy! Choose what it will do in your marriage. 

Do you know you can ask God to bless you with the right words?

“And pray for me, too. Ask God to give me the right words…” 

Ephesians 6:19a NLT