DO NOT BOTTLE UP YOUR HURTS

As we sat in the fuel station that evening, my dear friend, and brother looked at me and said, “Bro. Temi, you really hurt me”. I was shocked. He then went ahead to narrate the reasons why he has been so hurt. It was legit. I apologised. I did not know how much I messed up when I carried out the act. I thought I had valid excuses.

His communication of his hurt did three things:

First, it brought great healing to his own heart. That deep hurt started receiving a healing balm that day.

Second, it made me know when and how to stand up for and with people in critical seasons of life especially, friends and family.

Third, it took our relationship to new levels with better understanding and a stronger bond.

Relationships are gold mines when they are well managed. They can be landmines when people are taken for granted. There are gold opportunities that have been lost because two friends vowed never to see eye to eye again. There are great heights that have been lost because the two brothers decided that their matter will only be settled in heaven.

There is nothing like irreconcilable differences, there are only two parties who have refused to reconcile their desires with the desires of the spirit of the Lord.

Beware of strife. Stride is an attack on relationships, especially covenant relationships. It is the relationship that will add great value to your life that strife aims to destroy.

Abraham knew it but Lot did not. Did you know that there were other parties but Lot and his herdsmen chose to fight Abraham and his herdsmen?

And there was strife between the herdsmen of Abram’s livestock and the herdsmen of Lot’s livestock. The Canaanites and the Perizzites then dwelt in the land.

Genesis 13:7 NKJV

They did not fight the Canaanites and the Perizzites. They fought Abram. The devil is very strategic. He wants you to fight your spouse. He wants you to hate your parents. He wants you to despise your pastor. He wants you to act dishonourably to your boss. He wants you to walk out on tour siblings.

Is it not strange that you are fine with every other person except the relationship that should benefit you?

Your honour for your parents is tied to wellness and long life. But look at your relationship with them- it is right in the mud. You cannot pick up their call. When you do, it is like conversations with a stranger.

If strife has destroyed something, there is a reason why it has not destroyed everything- there is always a window of mercy that gives room for restoration.

How will you access that window? It is simple. Go and make amends.

Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First, be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

Matthew 5:23-24 NKJV

What is the pattern of expression? Talk to your brother first. If he does not listen, involve your circle of accountability. Do not leave a good relationship to rot because you are hurt.

“If another believer sins against you, go privately, and point out the offence. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.

Matthew 18:15-17 NLT

Have you tried and exhausted all these options?

© temilOluwa Ola, Eruwa