“WE ARE NOT FRIENDS”

A few weeks after Irewamiri told me “Yes”, she went cold on me. She had come around to see me and we were to have some discussion. But as we had the conversation, I realised that she was not free with me. I asked her calmly what the issue was. She said to me, “You are not my friend”.

She was very right. She saw me only as “Pastor”. We had no bond that could allow for heart to heart conversation. From that day, I had to be deliberate with cultivating friendship with her. I created fun intentionally to break down the barriers of communication. Our bond increased.

One of the things that can easily slip out of any marriage is the spirit of friendship. You can wear the same outfit and still not be friends. You can work at the same goals and still not be friends. You can even work together in the ministry and still not be friends.

Some frustrated wives do not have friends that they can really speak to yet their husband is also not a friend with them at home. In a marriage, you can talk about many things yet your wife sleeps by your side with tears rolling down her eyes while you snore away. Fight hard for friendship in your marriage.

It is very hard for the marriage of two friends to actually break down. A true friend would always fight for the warmth of the union. Even the fight of friends would be a romantic scene to behold. You know it is about solving an issue and not throwing subs at one another.

Paul mentioned “deep-spirited friendship”:

If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ if His love has made any difference in your life if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart if you care—then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Philippians 2:1‭-‬2 MSG

Many marriages have become professional unions. Many homes have become like boardroom meetings. It has a fullness of boredom. The life that flows in friendship is no longer there.

Dear husband, when last did you plan a time out with your wife? When last did you have time to just play as friends? When last did you create bonding moments? When last did you create memories?

Your marriage should be full of sweet memories. You are both investors in creating memories. Work hard at creating good ones and not bad ones.

Is your marriage now a professional union cemented by your relationship with your kids? When all your children leave home, would you still be friends? Work hard at it.