When she saw all the red flags that were so visible all over the union, the pastor called the young lady who sought counselling and told her truthfully with love, “If you are to be my own daughter, I would tell you that the young man is not prepared for marriage. He has a lot of growing up to still do”. The lady was in love and ignored that counsel. The pain of patience would have been better than the pain of a marriage that did not work. 

After hours of intervention in the crisis that had engulfed their courtship, we told a young woman, “You are still young. This man will hurt you deeply. If he can sound like this in courtship. He will do more in marriage”. Again, she saw the signs but felt they had come too far. She pushed through till the wedding but does not have a marriage. 

Beloved, if he says he is a man, you must be on the lookout for the one who raised him. Males are born. Men are raised. If she says she is a woman, you must look closely to see who raised her. Females are born. Women are raised. Anyone who cannot point to their tutor cannot claim growth. 

Beware of marrying a sweet mouth with a slack life. Sometimes in the abundance of words is a lack of substance, emptiness and nothing but showmanship. Dig beyond the words. Before you are swept off your feet, check the depth of the one who wants to carry you. 

A tree is not known by its height but by its fruits. A trained man or woman must have been cultivated, and the fruits will speak. Even when a man/woman is pretending, the fruits will always show who they truly are. 

A lady shared about the first time she took her fiance to her parents. The Dad said, “I have met you, but I want to meet your pastor and trainer before I give you my daughter.” What a wise man. He wanted to be sure of who raised and trained him. 

Hear the Words of Jesus Christ: A pupil is not superior to his teacher, but everyone [when he is] completely trained (readjusted, restored, set to rights, and perfected) will be like his teacher.

Luke 6:40 AMPC

Many times, Irewamiri will look at me and say, “Thank God for Daddy Obadje in your life.” I would smile and move on! I knew deeply what she was saying. 

There are men who genuinely love God, but they are untrained. There are women who are on fire but are simply untrained. An untrained spouse will frustrate your life, albeit unintentionally. You will keep managing many situations that you have no business with in the first place. 

Ask yourself: That man or woman I am in love with, is he or she growing? Is she being trained? Is he being raised? There are many males but few bridegrooms. Can he groom you? Can he nurture you? Does he know how to nurture you to greatness? 

Hear the words of Apostle Paul to Pastor Titus of Crete: 

Teach the older men to exercise self-control, to be worthy of respect, and to live wisely…

Teach the older women to live in a way that honors God… 

They should teach others what is good. 

These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.

Titus 2:2-5 NLT

Did you see the words “teach and train”? Did you see the curriculum to be trained on? Do not be blind, please.

© temilOluwa Ola, Eruwa.

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