BUILDING RESILIENT MARRIAGES (VI)
After the birth of our first daughter, it did not take up to a month before my wife and I noticed that we were gradually drifting apart. All attention was on our new baby. Irewamiri suddenly had sweet words for Danielle. You hear “my love” or “I love you” a couple of times daily, and I become jealous.
Friends, some couples think that they are actually in love, but they are only comrades joined by a common ground of raising children. When children get old and leave the home, the couple wakes up to the fact that they raised their kids but lost their friendship.
Fight for the friendship in your home. It is natural for you to want to turn your attention to your kids. Your discussions are now solely tied to school fees, pocket money, kids’ health, etc.
Take a pause. When last did you spend a minute looking into your spouse’s eyes, holding his or her hand until a smile breaks out and wrinkles disappear? When last did you hear the heartfelt sound of laughter that melts the heart?
Do you now turn and groan, yet he does not hear because he is fast asleep after a stressful day of working to pay the bills? Some couples drop tears and silent sobs, yet the other party has no idea.
Hold it! Do you see how easy it is to share good news with someone else now before you have an awakening that you have not even mentioned to your spouse?
The friendship in your home is the lifeline of your marriage. If your marriage becomes lost in the rituals of duties and lacks the unplanned moments of deep-hearted laughter, you have a battle to fight.
Marriage is made for companionship. Remember, “It is not good for a man to live alone.” We always tell our children anytime they want to intrude in our intimate conversation moments, “This is marriage time. We will let you know when it is family time”. They grumble, but they are getting used to it.
You even call each other now by the names of your children. They have taken over the names, they are taking over the time, and they are now the major reason for conversation. Friendship and intimacy have taken the backseat.
From today, tell yourself, “I will consciously look into my spouse’s eyes every day. Give him or her a huge hug and drop a compliment before they exit the door”.
You need to stop during the day and bring back the days of checking on your spouse and simply say, “I just wanted to hear your voice. It inspires me”. Stop and do it!
Do not lose the friendship you share. Do not just get home and face the Television set or check social media updates. No! Check up on your spouse. Read the news of the day on her face. Browse through her mind and click ‘like’ as she pours her thoughts.
There have been times when my wife returned from work and met me preparing a teaching for a meeting. She naturally wants to tell me something about the day. I used to be indifferent as I just dropped some sounds at intervals, yet I was not listening. But now, I have planned my schedule to give her a listening ear and smiling face with some slice of troublesome touches.
Friend, what does it cost your marriage if you give your best to the whole world and lose the spark of friendship in your home?
Remember: A friend loves at all times…
Proverbs 17:17 NKJV
There should be no time that friendship dies in your union.
Are you still friends?