COUNSEL FOR THE NEWLY MARRIED

We have a monthly couples hangout in our Local Assembly. One day, we asked ourselves what the first quarrel in our marriages were. Almost everyone had a challenge with communication in marriage in one form or the other. There was simply disagreements over what the spouse said or what the spouse meant.

The importance of communication in marriage cannot be overemphasized. You have someone to share the rest of your life with therefore you must get it right in communication.

What we do not realise most times is that even something as simple as how food is presented communicates worth and value. For instance, there are men who eat better when they are out of their houses e.g. when visiting friends than at home. The spouse wonders what the challenge is.

It is simple- people go the extra mile when receiving guests. They bring out the best plates and dishes. Most people keep the best in their home for visitors. We need to repent.

You must master the use of the right words and speaking at the right time. At times, the disagreement is not because of what is said but because of how it was said.

You must master each others body language. What does that eye signal mean? When we go visit people as young ones and my father begins to shake the car key. That sound meant it is time to go. You must master what the mouth has not uttered also. It may take time but be willing to allow the bonding.

Listening is a form of communication also. You must ensure that you are a good listener. Ask questions for clarification rather than assuming. Assumption breaks down communication. Do not assume. Don’t listen to reply; listen to understand.

One major trap that you must outgrow fast is giving the silent treatment. You must never allow a disagreement degenerate into keeping malice. Your greeting at home must not become formal. Dear wife, your husband is not the Holy Spirit so he may not know your mind but he sure can hear your words when you speak. Learn the art of speaking rather than the silent treatment.

Finally, when speaking avoid the use of words that attack the person rather than resolving the issue at hand. For instance, do not say something like “You always…” Simply focus on the issue at the moment.

Do not allow the devil a little foothold at all. Resolve all matters on-time.