I fell in love for the first time as an undergraduate, and we were sure it would work out. After six years, the tables turned for one major reason- vision! As our vision for life began to unfold, it was obvious that our trajectories were different. 

The clarity for this came years (after I met my wife) when my grandfather in the faith gave me counsel after I informed him about Irewamiri. His counsel was priceless. He said, “Son, do not marry a woman who does not believe in God’s vision for your life, or you will be frustrated for the rest of your life.” 

It means two things: 

First, you must have a vision for your life. Let your life have direction, at least. Before asking someone out, know where you are going. 

Second, it means one of the basis for which a woman should say yes to a man is that she believes in what he wants to do with his life and can see active steps he is taking in that direction. 

Dear young man, if you are not yet sure of what you want to do with your life, you have to be patient to follow through with that first before you think about a wife. A confused man can never build a solid home. 

When you see some of the “we are in love” folks these days, you see a relationship that lacks direction. When emotion and confusion birth a journey of a lifetime, the movement most likely stops at the bus stop of challenges or crises, or, in a positive sense, when one of the parties gets clarity on life! 

[Put first things first] Prepare your work outside and get it ready for yourself in the field; and afterward, build your house and establish a home.

Proverbs 24:27 AMPC

Put first things first. Settle direction. 

Many healthy relationships that would benefit you in the future have been lost because they were converted prematurely to romantic affairs. Learn to build healthy friendships without thinking of romance. There are people you will love, but you will never marry. Why? Your direction is not the same. Enjoy the friendship. Do not impose marriage on a structure that cannot carry it. Be friends. Stay friends. Do not squeeze one another into a mould.

It is wickedness when a spouse (mostly women) sacrifice or postpone their dream or vision while the man rises in his career, and the same man returns to pay her back with “extra-marital affairs” (adultery is the word really) under the guise that she is no longer in his level. It is your turn to fan her flames till she gets to that level. If you believe in her vision like she believed in yours, pay the price also. 

Remember to settle direction before emotions take over the steering wheel. It always does not end well. 

There is love in sharing

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