“I DON’T FEEL LIKE…”: THE SILENT KILLER OF INTIMACY
The way they sat, I had to ask them, “Did you both speak at all to one another in the past twenty-four hours?” The silence was the culprit. They had to say no words. I was shocked. Then I asked, “Why?” The answer was silence again. I looked at both of them and said, “You did not feel like talking to each other, right?” The nod expressed consent.
Dear married ones, there are two dimensions to love in marriage:
There is the “easy to find”, “goose pimples filled”, and “happy and exciting” kind of love. It is warm. It holds hands without thinking twice. It hugs without much ado. It flows like water from a fall. The sound of it is sweet to the soul. The splash is colourful. You want to be there forever. This kind of love is important. We must not lose it. It is the kind of love that talks for long yet says nothing.
The second one is the “Beyond feelings” dimension of love marriage. This is where you hold hands when it does not feel like it. This is the moment you hug when you feel like shutting the door and staying all alone.
This is the point where the devil leverages the “I don’t feel like talking to him or her” thoughts. What does he do at this point?
First, he loads you with “valid” reasons during your retreat with him why you should sustain the silent treatment. He will dig out the files of accusation. He will engage his advocacy skills. He talks like your friend yet wounds you deeply beyond the ways you can imagine.
Second, he tampers with your will. You want the warmth of the conversation, contact and covering of your spouse but you stay in the cold because “You do not feel like”. Look at you! He keeps you away and then loads you with “pride” and “disobedience” which he calls, “5 Valid Reasons Why You Should Not Talk to Your Spouse”. What a strategy!
How do you break that strange grip?
First, surrender your spirit and your emotions to the Lordship of Christ. Who is your Lord? Are you led by your feelings or by the Spirit of the Lord? Say it out Lord, “Lord Jesus, I surrender my emotions and my will to you even now. I will do whatever you ask me to do”. That is salvation for your soul. The devil and his accusations lose their grip.
Second, ensure your spirit is not weakened. Do not speak according to the situation. Speak according to the scriptures. A weakened spirit will say things he does not mean. A weakened spirit will spill out venom thinking it is defending itself. The venom poisons the marriage.
Finally, do all that the Lord is asking you to do. From my journey, His instructions will be directly opposite to what your feeling is saying.
Your feeling says, “Show Him or Her”. His instruction will say “Serve Him or Her”, “Show Love”.
Your feeling says, “Pull your hands away when he or she touches you”. His instruction would say, “Be the first to hold him or her” or “Give Him or Her a Hug and speak words from a strong spirit”.
If the devil succeeds in weakening your Spirit, he will do “plug and play” with your mind and mouth.
Remember:
Proverbs 24:10 AMP
[10] If you are slack (careless) in the day of distress, your strength is limited.
If you are careless with words, thoughts and actions in days like that, what you lack is strength! Go and find your missing axe head!
temilOluwa Ola, Eruwa