ONE MISTAKE I MADE AFTER MARRIAGE

Some few days after marriage, the honeymoon was over and we were back to base. We had our second disagreement. The only thing I knew that evening after returning from work was that I was looking for my wife by my side and I did not see her.

By the time I walked to her in the living room, she was already acting cold towards me. I was wondering what I did wrong. She said to me: “Maybe you got married to your phone. You would have left home all day and by the time you return, I would need your attention but your phone has taken it all”. I did not know she had said something to me about three times that I did not respond to. I was lost in the world of my phone. I was hurting her.

I was so used to the same life I had as a bachelor that I had forgotten that I was married. I had to remind myself always afterwards: “Temi, you are now married”

First, phones and gadgets have become third parties in many marriages. The rival in some homes is not persons but gadgets- laptops, phones, and tablets. Some wives desire that they can do something to their husband’s gadgets- maybe throw them away.

Dear husband, there are times she is looking at you and thinking, “How I wish he gives me attention as he does to his phone. How I wish his hands are constantly on me like he does to his phone. How I wish he is talking to me as he does to his phone”. You need to deal with it. Drop that phone and talk to your wife.

A dear couple went on a date night a while back because they realised they were drifting apart. Guess what: After placing their order, they both picked up their phone and were pressing it. It dawned on them some minutes later that they were here to give each other attention. They also discovered what their challenge was- their phones.

They made a decision that night. Every evening after work, they had a regular place where they kept their phones. It does not get into their room. They tagged it as a third party. At least, no stranger would follow them into their room so they treated their phones the same way.

There are marital issues that will die natural deaths if husbands and wives begin to give each other the needed attention- your disagreements and arguments will reduce drastically. Warmth will replace emotional wars. Fight for the attention of your spouse. Deal with the distractions. Whatever distracts you can defeat you. Handle it wisely. A proof that you honour your spouse is that you give them the needed attention.

Solomon taught us to give our wife attention:

Your spring water is for you and you only, not to be passed around among strangers. Bless your fresh-flowing fountain! Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose— don’t ever quit taking delight in her body. Never take her love for granted! Why would you trade enduring intimacies for cheap thrills with a prostitute? for dalliance with a promiscuous stranger?

Proverbs 5:17-20 MSG

Enjoy the wife you married as a young man!

Do not divide that attention with strangers; especially your phone.

Never take her love for granted.

Never trade it for anything else.

Finally, when you also gave your life to Christ, you are now the bride of Christ. You cannot keep living like you are not married. You cannot romance sin and unrighteousness again. Your values must change. Your lifestyle must change. Your relationships must change.

Paul said: Don’t participate in the things these people do. For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So, live as people of light!

 Ephesians 5:7-8 NLT

Now that you are married to Christ, where is the evidence – do you still talk anyhow? Do you still dress anyhow? What has changed?

temilOluwa Ola, Eruwa.