In the first year of marriage, Irewamiri and I had some disagreement that evening. I did not know it was going to linger that long. I apologised but she was not having it. She went into another room and stayed quietly there.

I went to meet her to calm her again. As I held her hands, she kept pushing me off. After I have tried all I could and she did not bulge, I heeded her desire to be alone. I walked away and she locked the door.

Then I said a little prayer. Then I had a prompt from the Lord. Instead of sleeping in another room, I picked up a duvet and laid it at the door of the room where she stayed and I slept there as I prayed.

Some minutes later, she opened the door and was shocked to meet me there. She said, “Darling, you did not go to bed. Why are you sleeping here? Please, stand up let’s go to the room”. I smiled and said to her, “Since you locked me out, I wanted to still be as close to you as possible instead of sleeping alone in the room so I can still pick your heartbeat”. She smiled. Her disparagement was over.

First, if you still pray together as a couple, it will be difficult to sustain a fight. It is hard to fight someone you pray for and pray with. What has happened in many marriages is that the economic push for survival has pushed prayer to the background. Our pursuit for survival has choked our bonding in the place of prayer. There is nothing that bonds a couple like prayer. Let me show you:

If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care—then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.

Philippians 2:1-4 MSG

If you pray consistently together, you will kick away the devil. It will be easy to walk in agreement. You will love each other genuinely. You will be deep-spirited friends. You will not be in competition. You will not step on your wife using “submission” as an excuse for oppression. You will put yourself aside- sex will never become a negotiation tool nor will you use it to manipulate and control your husband. It will not be about what is in it for you first. It will be about serving each other in love. You will be there to lend a helping hand. There would not be arguments about house chores or needs. The bond will be so strong.

Second, submit your marriage too to the leading of the Holy Spirit. He will guide you to all truth regarding your spouse. The fruit of the spirit is what a lot of people are looking for in their marriage- love, joy, peace, kindness, patience, righteousness, self-control. Why is it lacking?

A bad tree cannot bring forth good fruit. A man who does not know the Lord cannot produce the things of the Lord. It will be like trying to make a fish to fly. It is not in its nature.

Also, a tree that has not grown cannot produce fruits. It takes maturity to produce fruits. If you marry a baby, be ready to work as a nanny. You will pack a lot of “poo”. Endure it while you nurse your partner to growth and trust God for their growth. You made your choice.

Finally, please do not complain when you have not been obeying the Lord. Obey the Lord. Listen to the Holy Spirit. There is no marriage that cannot be strong. There is no home that cannot be redeemed. There is no spouse that cannot become a friend. Are you doing it right? Do you have in you what you seek in your partner?

Do you both still pray together? When you do, you will deny the devil his working tools. He will not be able to function in your life. If the pursuit of life takes over the pursuit of the Lord, the gaps will show and disagreements will fill it up.

In the name of Jesus, the flames of love in your home and in your fellowship with God will come aglow. I also pray for a new passion in your marriage. Amen!

temilOluwa Ola, Eruwa.

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