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AN UNTRAINED SPOUSE IS A TICKING TIME BOMB

They had quite some issues in the early days of their marriage. They disagreed over quite a lot of things. It was obvious they loved each other but the issues just seem to be pulling them apart. It had become so bad that it was hard to even hold each other in prayer (that was the first time I noticed).

Some months later, the bonding is better. The wife could say, “I cannot believe it is the same man again. Something has changed”. The man said, ” Sir, you told us that the most important thing in marriage is training. The little we have learnt changed our story”.

There are people who loved themselves but still walked away from their marriage because of what they called “irreconcilable differences”. Oftentimes than not, the irreconcilable difference simply means that one or both of the parties would not submit to the voice of reasoning. The Spirit of Counsel has been despised (if it was ever given a chance in the first place).

For instance, no man becomes a doctor by simply loving medicine. No! He submitted to training. Training means you keep at it when you do not feel like it. Training means shaping. Training requires humility. When you eventually become a doctor and people see the beauty, you know that it took not just your love but your submission to training when you did not feel like it.

Training is not emotional. Training takes you through processes and seasons without asking emotional questions. But the challenge is a lot of people walk into marriage without any form of training.

Some people are godly but not trained. A godly man must be taught. You can speak in tongues but still have challenges with communication. You can win souls but still have issues with your in-laws. You can be a minister in church but still cannot handle matters regarding finances. You can have a good heart but remain unlearned.

Innocence is not enough. Innocence means untested. With training, you get prepared for the test. Many counselling matters are simply issues that training will resolve.

The easiest form of training is learning from older men and women. They must be people who have been tested and proven to be genuine in their faith and their home. Listen to them.

Paul told Titus to ask the older women to train the younger women. He asked the older Men to train the younger man (Titus 2). He even sets out a curriculum of what they should be trained on. This includes self-control, home management, kindness, submission, and soundness of speech (communication) among others.

Training makes you responsible. Training shows you how to be accountable and to whom you can be accountable. An untrained man or woman will show signs of irresponsibility and will not submit to be held accountable which can lead to what many call “irreconcilable” differences.

If you are blessed with sincere and loving pastors or mentors who invested in training you, show them appreciation. If you are the “self-made man or woman” or you are just innocent and you desire a marriage that works, ask the Lord to lead you to your trainers.

temilOluwa Ola, Eruwa

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