Two dear ones had been struggling with their courtship. Matters seem to have gotten to an unimaginable height. Allegations were flying here and there. Their conversation leaned towards a break-up. It was obvious they allowed things to degenerate.

Since we had the opportunity to be in their city, it was easy to notice the breakdown so we created time for a conversation. That day, as we spoke, a dear teacher and mentor walked in. He made a great statement that has not stopped ringing in my heart:

“Marriage is God’s cure to man’s selfishness. We are inherently selfish. We even get to choose the person that we would like to settle down with based on our preference. The choice has always been about us. Marriage cures that selfishness”.

In the early days of my marriage, I came back from the office to meet a steaming bowl of vegetables. As I looked at it, I saw some fish in it. Without commending Irewamiri, the first thing I said was, ” I don’t eat this type of fish”. There was no “Thank You for all the effort”. I was just focused on myself. That’s selfishness. God had to cure me of that selfishness by teaching me that: ” The only reason why you see a fault is that someone made effort. Appreciate the effort and overlook the fault”

On the journey to marriage, do not just answer the question of “Why is Sola in my life?”; you must also answer the question of “Why am I in Sola’s life?” The first one talks about the benefits you will derive from your marriage to Sola. The second answers the question of the value you must add to and the sacrifices you must make for Sola.

If you stop at the first question alone, you will be trapped in selfishness. You will be only a consumer. If you answer the second question, you will be a contributor. Marriage is meant for two contributors and not one contributor and one consumer. You must contribute love, forgiveness, kind acts, and quality time among others.

Think of the commandment of the Lord to the husbands:

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.
Ephesians 5:25‭-‬26 NLT

Dear husband, this is work. This is sacrifice. The selfish cannot fulfil this. It will be too hard. What are you giving up? Who are you making her be?

What happens when you do it right, she becomes a gift to you.

He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.
Ephesians 5:27 NLT

You got your spouse in a raw form. Whatever you make out of her will be dependent on how much of Christ you represent to her. There is no complaint you have about your wife that Christ would not have seen in his bride, the church. That is your calling. It is your assignment. Work on it, husbandman.

Dear husband, get to work! You did not just get a title, you got a job. You did not just get a wife, you got a raw material. Do you know what is called Return on Investment? Go and invest. Jesus Christ laid down His life. What are you investing?

temilOluwa Ola, Eruwa

There is love in sharing