BEYOND “I AM IN LOVE” (12): HOW DOES S(HE) BEHAVE DURING A CONFLICT? 

During our courtship, I visited a dear father in the faith, and he asked an interesting question: “Have you ‘fought’ with Oyeronke before?” I responded in the negative. 

He smiled and told me his story: 

He agreed to everything his wife said in courtship. In the early days of marriage, he had reasons to tell her, “No, you cannot do that.” The wife thought it was a joke. When did my sweet husband change? She began to cry and tell him, “This is not the man I married.” 

He added, “Go and look for a fight, at least to show how you both respond in the middle of a conflict.” I acted out and feigned anger once. I wanted to see her reaction. We laughed over it later. 

However, when I did, I realized I was regularly trying to avoid conflict rather than communicate in love till we found common ground. 

Today, we sometimes try to remember the last time we fought over any matter; it is a rare occurrence. 

First, if you want to follow a man or journey with a woman for life, you need to know them beyond the cuteness of the smile and the courtesy they show. For instance, check out the list of what Paul mentioned that Timothy knew about him (in following): 

But you have carefully followed my doctrine, manner of life, purpose, faith, longsuffering, love, perseverance, persecutions, afflictions, which happened to me at Antioch, at Iconium, at Lystra—what persecutions I endured. And out of them all the Lord delivered me.

II Timothy 3:10-11 NKJV

To be sure you want to commit your life to a man or woman, this is also a good list to help you. Do you know the person this deeply? If there is one area of your life that you should not like surprises (especially of negative character), it must be marriage. 

• Do you know his or her manner of life?
• How does he or she behave under pressure?
• Have you seen them pull through tough situations before?
• What is their speech like when there is a need not being met on time? 
• Does he break glasses when angry?
• Does she bang on the table or throw things in anger?
• Does he go three days without calling or reaching out? 

Check well, please!

Furthermore, you must also not be taking it all in simply because you want to marry. You keep acting like the ‘good boy’ or ‘good girl’ soaking in all the pressure. It is like shaking a carbonated drink while it is still closed. If there is just a little opening, everything will spill. 

Now, please listen; issues you leave unaddressed have a hundred percent chance of resurrection. It will always come up again and again. 

There is a reason why courtship begins with ‘court.’ Please examine, cross-examine, and re-examine before you commit. Ask the tough questions now. It saves you a lot of trouble. 

© temilOluwa Ola, Eruwa.