We were having a heart-to-heart conversation recently. Irewamiri mentioned that in the early days of marriage whenever she mentioned anything about her dreams, I would make a sound and then grow quiet. I never knew I was behaving that way. She said, “I thought I was over-ambitious”.

She began to tone down on her dreams and conversations about them until she heard our spiritual father say one day, “You are not ambitious if you are thinking of big things”. I would have limited her unconsciously if I was not careful. Today, the story is different. There is nothing as beautiful as having a fulfilled spouse.

I was at the airport and as I saw planes taking off, I told myself, “A mind thought about this. Temi, what are you doing with your mind?” I knew something happened to my mind again that day.

Some people had great dreams that marriage packed and placed in a cooler somewhere. Some smart women have lost every desire to dream again. The brightness and the shine they carried in their youthfulness have become dulled by the feeling of being ambitious.

Marriage which was meant to give them wings to fly has become the lid over their lives. Scriptures speak about “one chasing a thousand and two chasing ten thousand”. However, in their case, they are even chasing less than a thousand in every way now.

There are even some whose spiritual flames have turned to tiny glows with some residue of ashes here and there. Marriage killed the fire they carried. They have lost the grounds that they gained. There are married folks asking themselves regularly questions like, “What happened to me?” The sense of drive has diminished.

If you know you are a Deborah, make sure you marry a Lappidoth.

Now Deborah, a prophetess, the wife of Lapidoth, was judging Israel at that time. And she would sit under the palm tree of Deborah between Ramah and Bethel in the mountains of Ephraim. And the children of Israel came up to her for judgment.

Judges 4:45 NKJV

If you know you have a David inside of you, be careful that you do not settle with a Michal who still sees you as “Her Dad’s protege” who should be helped. Can you discern between the “David” who needs rescue from Saul and “David” who now sits on the throne?

Is he or she comfortable with your dreams?

Is he or she comfortable with you flying high?

Do you know there are men insecure with their wives earning more than them? They become very uncomfortable. They think money is all it takes to be a man. Tread softly.

Do you know some women become ‘comfortable’ once they are married? It shows in appearance, carriage, dreams, and pursuit. They have lost their drive. Their passion becomes cold.

Do you still carry the drive for great things?

Are you comfortable where greatness is discussed? Do you see people with great drive and think they are doing too much?

Will that union fan your flames or there are already subtle signs that you are settling for less?

© temilOluwa Ola, Eruwa

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