Irewamiri and I struggled for a long time to find that unforced rhythm of cooperation in some areas of our lives, especially when it comes to ministry. I remember episodes where she would say, “Darling, please kindly take on the work of ministry. It seems to be causing quite some disagreements”. 

It was a touchy area. As much as we tried, we just could not bond. We were great in all other areas but we had this elephant in the room that refused to go away. We tried to avoid clashing in that area. No matter what we both did, we struggled. 

What changed the game? Examples from our spiritual family: 

First, the example of our spiritual parents and the bond they shared stirred a desire in us that ours must not be different. We do not learn by teaching. We also practice what we observe. We asked questions, and it got better. 

Second, the example of our siblings in the spiritual family. Two visits changed our marriage and ministry forever. We made up our minds to visit our siblings more and ask questions. 

I remember an occasion where our elder brother and teacher in the faith was sharing their journey with us. His examples addressed many matters without us asking questions. 

At another time, we saw how calm and at ease a dear brother and his amazing wife were during a major conference. We asked questions, and we got answers. Why? We wanted a home without pressure. 

Listen, be humble enough to learn by example. We are wired to operate in our default. We can not do well without examples, the right examples. 

You are likely to behave exactly like what you have always seen or known, even when you try to move in the opposite, there is a wiring in your subconscious that returns you to default. The change only comes when you have the right examples. 

In school, the teacher begins with examples. He then moves on to class work. Afterwards, you are given corrections. Finally, you have assignments to work on. When you get home alone, and the assignment seems tough, you consult examples and the corrections you have been given. 

In the same vein, when you need clarity in your marital journey: 

Do you have any godly examples to follow? 

Do you have the privilege of corrections to guide you? 

Do you have the presence of a teacher? 

“…But your eyes shall see your teachers. Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it,” Whenever you turn to the right hand Or whenever you turn to the left. Isaiah 30:20-21 NKJV

Sit down and ask yourself – Do we have examples, or are we running on default?

Even a marriage counsellor or relationship coach can struggle without great examples. He or she will teach it, but it will not show in his or her life. Examples are prophetic! 

© temilOluwa Ola, Eruwa.

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