BEYOND “I AM IN LOVE” 8: ARE THERE CONSISTENT CHARACTER TRAITS? 

We had a rough time in courtship simply because it was quite tough for some of my in-laws to accept that their beloved daughter who just graduated from a private university was settling to marry a pastor in a rural area. 

At a point, Irewamiri needed to visit Eruwa and her guardians were not willing to hear anything about it at all. It was becoming frustrating at a point. At that moment, pressure began to build. I remember she jokingly said, “I will just tell them I am going somewhere else and then come to you”. 

We both laughed. We knew we could not and would never do that. We resorted to patience and prayers. She eventually had a breakthrough and was able to come. 

Beloved, when it comes to relationships, character counts. No marriage thrives when one of the partners has a bad character. Character refers to integrity, honesty, and uprightness. Cuteness can never be a replacement for character. 

I always say to young ones that “If he or she has to lie to his or her parents or guardians to come to you, s(he) will likely also lie to you to go somewhere else. It is not just about you but it is about a solid character. 

If you want a marriage that is built on the foundation of Christ and solid Christian Character, you need to be on the lookout for: 

• Double Standards. Does he or she treat you well while they talk down on those they perceive are lesser than them? For example, waiters in a restaurant, the driver of a cab, a messenger in an office. 

• Exaggeration and Lies. Does he manipulate others to get things done? 

A crucial point is: If there is any area of your partner’s life and character that you question, ask yourself ‘Do I want to spend the rest of my life dealing with this?’

Character disorder is very difficult to improve upon after marriage. Why? Your leverage would have reduced and his or her motivation to improve the character will be less also. At least, you are now married. 

Finally, be careful that you do not have the Saviour’s complex. You keep telling yourself that maybe you are in his or her life to change her. You are not the Holy Spirit. Be careful. 

It will end up being the other way around: 

So stop fooling yourselves! Evil companions will corrupt good morals and character.

1 Corinthians 15:33 TPT

temilOluwa Ola, Eruwa