BEYOND “I AM IN LOVE” 9: WHAT VALUES ARE NON-NEGOTIABLE FOR YOU? 

When the Lord called me to ministry in the land of Eruwa, my first relationship journey began to experience some shaking. It had been a smooth journey for about four years but that decision to go full-time in ministry in obedience to the Lord, especially in Eruwa became a ‘stumbling block’. 

Some questions kept reoccurring. At one point, we were about to reach a compromise about our marriage and family. It was a simple one- I would be in Eruwa while my spouse shuttles between city life and the missions at Eruwa. It was a hard compromise. I desired a family that was together no matter what. I did not want a weekend spouse or a ‘once a month’ family life. 

One morning, as I prayed about it, the Lord showed me the story of Isaac and his journey into marriage. It was quite instructive. 

Abraham had sent out Eleazar to seek a wife for his son, Isaac from his own people. He did not want Isaac married to a stranger or a foreigner. Before Eleazar commenced the journey, he asked his master Abraham a critical question: 

“Sir, if I find the woman of your specification but she jas a challenge with following me to this land where God has brought you and you are dwelling, should I take your son to meet her where she is?” 

Abraham did not mince words. It was the answer of a man who knew what he wanted. He said to Eleazar: 

“No!” Abraham responded. “Be careful never to take my son there. For the Lord, the God of heaven, who took me from my father’s house and my native land, solemnly promised to give this land to my descendants. He will send his angel ahead of you, and he will see to it that you find a wife there for my son. If she is unwilling to come back with you, then you are free from this oath of mine. But under no circumstances are you to take my son there.”

Genesis 24:6‭-‬8 NLT

Did you see the “NO”? Did you read, “Be careful NEVER to take my son there?” Also, did you see, “Under no circumstances are you to take my son there”? 

You need to have solid principles regarding family life. What are your values? When value is in place, decision-making becomes easier and faster. When there are no values, opportunities will determine what you do and you will blown here and there and most times either in confusion or compromise. 

There are marriages in crisis today because certain values were never established and principles were not settled. 

Please, if you are called to ministry, it is wise to comply with this Abrahamic pattern. It saves you from error. There are pastors’ marriages under pressure today because the wife is in London and the husband is in Lome. 

A dear father-in-the-faith said that God is not an author of confusion, he will not send the husband to New Zealand and then send the wife to Zimbabwe. This is true. Compromises take the centre stage when one of the parties is not wiling to go all the way with the instructions of the Lord. 

There are men who have been away from their family for five years, or ten years because of the push for greener pasture. They can send money for upkeep but the family is experience a downfall. Never let your upkeep be the reason for your downfall. The home is pulled apart already. 

In the middle of tough times, the values you have built gives you a platform of agreement. What are your non-negotiable decisions? What values can you not compromise on?

Do you share the same values? If you do not, it is advisable not to marry him or her. It will be a marriage of many ‘hmmms’ and ‘ahhhs’, sighs and groans of concerns. 

I pray you understand this early. 

Grace. 

temilOluwa Ola, Eruwa