I was the youngest in the Pastors meeting. All others had been in ministry for at least 25 years. It was a privilege to be in their midst. One of the nights, there was a prophetic moment. We began to intercede for one another and relay what God would have us say.

All the elderly preachers told me the same thing: “Do not force your wife into a mould. It will break her and it will hurt you and the ministry. Watch her evolve. Let the seed become a tree and it will be fruitful and remain a blessing”. A dear father in the faith told me the same thing before marriage.

One of the major causes of conflict in marriage and by extension in life is unmet expectations. You have that ideal image of how a husband or a wife should be and you want your spouse to conform to that image.

You have an image of your mum and you think your wife must be exactly like her. You married her and not your mum. You have an image of an uncle and you want your husband to be like him, you did not marry your uncle.

And by the way, did you ever sit to ask your mum or your uncle how many years it took them to evolve? Why on earth would you punish your home by comparing some people’s Chapter 8 to your Introduction?

If you love people for who they are, it will give you room to see who you desire them to be. Marriage tests all the fruits of the Spirit. Your full joy is linked to walking in love. Focus patiently on who they are and you will find treasures.

Even in the parable of Jesus, the treasure was hidden in the field. Buy the field and enjoy the treasure. The treasure is in the field but it is not the only thing on that field. Focus on the treasure and the field would be priceless. If you focus on other things without seeing the treasure, the field will look worthless.

Earlier in marriage, I had that perfect image of a Pastor’s spouse and I expected my wife to simply make it there. We had issues. We fought. My expectation was already frustrating her. She fought back.

Then I began to love her for who she is. I lived out the proof that she can do things in her unique way while I affirmed her. I showed her what I have learnt along the way and today, it has all changed. She is the one that even challenges me now. I am now seeing the treasures I was blind to.

I know you love a perfectly shaped woman but it was also the seed she carried for your sake that altered the natural state of things. Be patient. Love her still. Celebrate her always. Affirm her. Take a walk with her. It even bonds you both. Be involved.

Do not allow that perfect image spoil and wreck your home. You can love people in their process. Love is patient. Love is Kind. Love keeps no records of wrong. Love endures all things. When the fruits emerge, you will still be the first partaker of the harvest- be patient!

There is love in sharing

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