CLASSIC SERIES: COUNSEL TO A YOUNG WIFE (4)
At the breakfast table just before our marriage, my spiritual father said to us, “No one must come in between you- not your parents, friends, children or church members.”
Dear young wife, there is something you must NEVER do- do not report your spouse to your parents! Please do not do it.
Why is this important? Out of the emotions or the hurt of a disagreement, you are already talking to your mother because “she is the only one you can talk to”.
Do you know what you just did? You simply succeeded in reducing the value of your man in your immediate family.
The painful part is that you will eventually reconcile with your spouse, but you will now have a huge damage control assignment because of a battered public image.
The day your words will be used against you or to counsel you will be the day you will realise that people rarely forget.
That is why you need loving mentors for your marriage- someone you both can talk to without the fear of being judged or condemned.
You must know how to defend your man’s weaknesses and not expose them. That is honour and honourable.
If you are not talking with your spouse, then do not be in a hurry to speak to your parents about him.
You may ask: What do I do? Great! Calm down. I know you are annoyed. Take a deep breath. Now say to him,
“Darling, the way you behaved really got at me. Your words hurt me. Even if I am wrong, can you kindly treat me like your queen, your baby and your girl?”
See that! It may be difficult initially, but that will be the end of a cold evening, and you would not need all that spilling to your mother or sisters!
A wise man will listen to you.
Has talking to your mum ever solved the problem? You may succeed in overlooking the issue, but it was never addressed and resolved.
That is why it will show up in another shape. Unaddressed issues will always resurrect.
Speaking to your mother or sisters may be the natural thing to do, but speaking with your spouse (or possibly a mentor you both learn from) will be the right thing to do.
I hope you got it?
temilOluwa Ola, Eruwa.