One morning, Irewamiri was on the phone with a dear one that we both loved. She naturally began to pour endearments as they spoke. At that moment, I became jealous. I began to wonder when last she spoke to me in the same way. We had been so lost in the routine of our daily tasks that we stopped giving each other the attention we rightly deserved.

I summoned the courage for a conversation and explained to her how I felt as I heard her pour affection spontaneously on someone earlier in the day. It would not have gotten to me that much if we both had been doing the same to one another. We had a fruitful conversation and committed to working on filling each other’s tanks.

You cannot keep going about with drained emotional tanks- it is very dangerous! One way you would know that your emotional tank is low is that a random simple display of affection from someone else will mean so much to you.

When a colleague says “You look good today” or “I love the way you smile”, your soul feeds so much on it because it is starved. You begin to crave more. If care is not taken, you look forward to spending time around such a person.

The next phase of the attraction is more dangerous. The first may be the innocence phase where you are not an active participant. You only enjoy the attention. But in the next phase, you become a subtle participant. You desire to look good so you can get their compliment and attention. Trust me, things are beginning to cross the line. Once you stand in front of the mirror and think about the person who compliments you, issues are getting out of hand.

What’s the way out? Do not keep quiet about it. Admit that the random act of kindness from a third party is doing much more to you than they intended.

I honestly hope and pray that you married a listening spouse. At this point, do not use signs to communicate if your spouse is not picking the signals. Open your mouth and talk. It is a very tough conversation but once you keep avoiding it, your tank keeps getting low, and if a random person keeps filling it, you may catch feelings and when feelings are caught, you will soon fall and hurt your marriage.

Do not keep digging a hole. Stop breaking the hedge. It is dangerous:

He that diggeth a pit shall fall into it; and whoso breaketh an hedge, a serpent shall bite him.
Ecclesiastes 10:8 KJV

Do you want to keep going on with all the warning signs showing on the dashboard of your soul? Do not ignore the signs. Have a conversation. It will help you.

temilOluwa Ola, Eruwa

There is love in sharing