She asked me, “Pastor when I have an accountability relationship with my mentor or pastor, would it mean that I have to report my spouse to them when he or she misbehaves?”
Dear husband, one thing that must never happen is that you begin to report your wife to your parents or your in-laws. You will be shooting yourself in the foot.
Mentoring and Training are very key in your relationship but the essence of what you share with your mentors is to become better so when you talk about your marriage with your teachers, the motive must be to become a better man and not to seek justification for how you treat your wife or find support for a preconceived position that you have.
Anytime you call your parents or your in-laws or your siblings when your wife offends you, you are saying to them that you are incapable of managing your family affairs and providing leadership when it is needed. You are also painting your wife in a bad light.
What is more? When you make up with your spouse, the image you have planted in the third party is hard to change. Do not be surprised when they begin to treat your wife in the light of who you have painted her to be.
Dear husband, having a trainer helps you to be accountable. An untrained man will make mistakes. Some mistakes are very costly. An untrained man will find it hard to groom a bride and nurture a wife.
Training is biblical for older men:
Teach the older men to exercise self-control, to be worthy of respect, and to live wisely. They must have sound faith and be filled with love and patience.
Titus 2:2 NLT
Do you see your curriculum for this class? Self Control, How to Earn Respect, How to Live Wisely, Sound Faith, Filled With Love, Patience.
Core Courses sir!
The day my teacher said to me in the middle of a family challenge, “No matter what, fight for the emotional warmth of your home. Go to her place of work and check up on her. Give her a warm hug. That will make it easier to resolve your issues”. I did just that. By evening, we were talking as friends through our issues- no one was grandstanding.
Issues are easier resolved when warmth is not lost in the home but a trainer told me how to follow the Spirit and not the flesh.
The aim of training must never to stylishly report your spouse, it must be to report yourself and get treatment where you are getting it wrong.
When you become whole, you will not see issues in fragments. Get trained first. You will see that woman is a treasure and not a “demon”.
Now, dear husband, Who is your trainer?