Just a few years after marriage, he took an interest in helping out a particular young lady. What started as a counselling session to help a young girl genuinely was already sliding into a wall between his wife and himself. To make matters worse, it seems as though he was not even sensitive enough. 

He started giving his wife one-word answers and brief explanations while the ‘counselee’ (the girl being counselled) now got more than advice but also updates about his life. It was a gradual slope that was looking harmless. It was his wife that helped him to break the chain. His eyes opened up to what he was doing. 

I still remember the words of my grandfather in the faith that September morning at a breakfast table, “Temi, let no one come in between you- not a church member and not anyone you are counselling.” The messiah syndrome has placed many men in a mess. What started as a rescue mission has become a suicide mission. What started in all innocence and genuineness of heart has become a death trap. The man is alive, but the wounds are already being inflicted. 

If you see a man with a flat tyre on the road, you will likely say, “He will handle it.” What happens when it is a woman? Your adrenaline to rescue her will likely rise. You are wired to love to help, but dear husband, do you know how much improvement your marriage will enjoy if you take that desire to help and pour it into your wife? Have you helped reduce the burden at home? 

Do you remember how you used to help pull those two black 25-litre kegs in courtship? You won her heart by being thoughtful. What has stolen that heart and attitude now? Why has she become like the house girl looking sixty-five when she will actually just be thirty-five? 

Do you know that things will change if you begin to treat your wife like that “Yetty-mama” you pick up after work to have some pepper soup and fish with a little shopping for her basic needs? Try it. Take her out once a week. Let her also shop for her basic needs. You will stop complaining that she always says she is tired! Treat her well. 

Please listen! The person who sees that you are already sliding into sin is your wife. If she complains about your sneaking behaviour, passworded chats and gallery, half-truths, and low commitment to spiritual things, she is not ranting. She is doing her work as your help meet. There are times you can not help yourself. You do not keep quiet if you see your child running into the fire. You shout to get their attention and confirm their safety. 

She is your accountability partner. She is your risk analyst. She is your quality assurance officer. Do not shove aside her gentle warnings.  Do not say she is jealous if she warns you about that new girl at work or in church. She is doing her work as a watchdog. Do not wait till you become like the Proverbs 7 young man: 

Immediately he went after her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, Or as a fool to the correction of the stocks, Till an arrow struck his liver. As a bird hastens to the snare, He did not know it would cost his life. (Proverbs 7:22-23 NKJV)

Do you know this carelessness can cost you your life? Take heed!


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