Few months into our marriage, I returned from the office and I met a moody Irewamiri. I was bothered and I began to probe. She would rather be left alone. I was patient enough to keep asking in love.
She kept telling me off. I knelt by her side on the bed and she even slept off. Ah! I dozed off on my knees also. Then she woke up and realised that I was still there. She was shocked and then told me why she was moody. In her words, “I don’t think marriage is for me”.
I fell to the ground in tears. How did you get to this point? I could not fathom it. She said, “It is not about you. It is about me. I am so sorry”. We both cried and then talked! We are still here five years later and stronger.
There is someone whose background has led to a lot of marital fears. You saw examples all around you that made you conclude that marriage is just an institution to endure and not enjoy.
Societal pressure of marriage has gotten you into courtship but your mind will not let go of the fears. As the clock ticks, your heart beats faster. You want a great marriage but you also have great fear. You know this is God’s will but your mind has a grip on you right now- you feel cold.
Marriage is God’s idea and it can only be enjoyed God’s way. The foundation of marriage is the Word of God and not your fearful examples. The images you have of terrible homes are seeds that must be uprooted.
Your fearful thoughts must be fought by speaking godly words. You do not fight negative thoughts with positive thoughts, you fight negative thoughts with godly words.
Develop confessions based on the Word of God and the great marriage you desire to have. Begin to declare it daily. Our victory in spiritual warfare is hidden in our words.
Develop relationships with godly role models. You will begin to notice that the bad example you saw while growing up was just what it was- a bad example. Kill that fear that all men cheat. Kill that fear that you must not tell a woman everything. Kill that fear that mothers-in-law are witches!
Build confidence and invest in your marriage. Choose to see the best in your spouse. Have a godly mentoring relationship that challenges you to grow in your marriage. Be patient to have conversations. Issues left unaddressed will always resurrect.
Face issues in love. When it is getting heated, take a break and love up on each other. Every issue resolved opens a new vista for your home. Do not walk out of your marriage. Fight for it.
Now this is important- one of the advantages of abstaining from fornication is that the bond of trust is stronger. Fornication creates loopholes for suspicion and worries to have a field day. Self-control in courtship helps trust in marriage.
There is no mountain you cannot climb. There is no river you cannot cross. Fear loses its grip when faith takes a stand. In the name of Jesus, your home shall be a house on the rock. Amen