In a bid to get me to support her on house chores because of all my complaints, Irewamiri said to me one day in anger, “Am I your Fatima?” She was asking figuratively whether she was my housemaid.
I knew what she wanted. I knew what she meant. However, she did not get me to do house chores by squeezing her face, mood swings and hard words.
The first-ever mistake a woman will make (especially if you are married to a man who has a deep cultural mindset) is to drop words like a faulty tap at every opportunity. Such words toughen men. They will end up seeking to prove their position or prove a point. It becomes highly difficult to get his support.
Beloved, gentle answers still touch the deepest points in anyone’s heart. The best time to talk about tough times is in good times. If you raise issues only when there are issues, you are acting like a farmer who waters the plant at the peak of the heat of the sun. Your intention is good but the result will be terrible.
Except you are married to a man who is insensitive or probably lazy, no man that is well-groomed would hear the soft words of a loving wife and not rise up to do something about it.
That is why I am an advocate of getting married to people who are trained and teachable. The words you say to him during the day that he disagrees vehemently with must haunt him at night as the Holy Spirit (the teacher) brings it to light.
Often times people do not get annoyed because of what is said but because of how it was said. I am an ardent believer that a wise Abigail can turn the mind of an angry David as long as he is not a foolish Nabal.
Two wrongs would never make a right. Do not prove a point and then lose your relationship. Do not win the argument while you lose the agreement you really seek!
Husbands, you need to take a pause and listen to what your woman has not said. You want her looking amazing at 40. You must be willing to pay the price for it. Pick her heartbeat. Even if you cannot open the door of the car for her, open the door of your heart and be open to be of help.
There are men who see their mum worked up and silenced by tough dads but unfortunately still tread the same path. Doing it differently does not and will never hurt.
We have a long-standing principle that has helped us grow: anytime we work together, we stick together. Hence, we rejoice at every opportunity to work together.
Dear man, I know you have the money to buy a washing machine but do you know you don’t even have to touch water, sometimes just standing by is enough. Or at least, take the spinned cloth and help spread them as you gist about different issues.
Couples should not complain that they do not have talking time. If you help each other in the kitchen or at the laundry, you will talk about things. Be intentional about it.
I remember that the days that my Dad did the cooking were actually memorable meals- even when the food had limitations. The joy at home that day is actually different. There is a lot of energy at home. Do all you can to have such atmospheres.
If you have ever mistakenly added more than enough salt to meal and the family ate with love, you will withhold your harsh words the day your wife does the same.
It is only the hands that are not on deck that can point fingers. The same hand that works in the bedroom must be willing to work in the kitchen. When hands are joint, the home is built but when fingers are pointed, the home is stalled and at times destroyed.