A dear son brought a young lady that he wanted to marry. It was a single visit where I was to interact with the young lady. We had a great time talking. I asked questions, and she also asked hers. The only strange thing was that she lost interest in the young man after the visit. We were wondering what went wrong. The relationship died a natural death. 

A few months later, the brother informed me that the lady had given birth. I was shocked. How? For who? She was already pregnant by the time she came to visit. I smiled and told him, “You would have been trapped in deception if you were not thoroughly pastored.” 

It is easy for the devil to deceive a man who does not subject his steps to the scrutiny of those who have gone ahead, especially spiritual authority. One proof of spiritual maturity is the willingness shown in submission. 

Think about Apostle Paul and all his remarkable exploits, yet he still lived a life of submission to pillars in the church: 

In fact, James, Peter, and John, who were known as pillars of the church, recognized the gift God had given me, and they accepted Barnabas and me as their co-workers. They encouraged us to keep preaching to the Gentiles, while they continued their work with the Jews. (Galatians 2:9 NLT)

Why did he go to them? He wanted to be sure he was doing what was right. He did not want to run in vain: 

I went there because God revealed to me that I should go. While I was there, I met privately with those considered to be leaders of the church and shared with them the message I had been preaching to the Gentiles. I wanted to make sure that we were in agreement, for fear that all my efforts had been wasted and I was running the race for nothing.

(Galatians 2:2 NLT)

Any height of spirituality that tells you that you can now live above scrutiny and accountability is self-deception that will end in a crisis. You now hear directly from heaven that no one can ask you questions on Earth; well done! That is the recipe for failure. 

Please, note that your pastors are not the ones to make decisions for you on whom to marry. That is your decision. They only ask questions and counsel until you reach that point of clarity and conviction. Their presence helps you to see things objectively. 

Some of the counsel I got on the journey to marriage saved my life and my courtship. Do not hide it. If you are sincere with yourself, there is nothing to hide. You will be open to the process that will strengthen your decision or save you from making a terrible mistake. 

If some pastors tell you the strange things they have heard from the mouths of men and women that their partners seem to be dying in love for, you will be surprised. 

Just a little addition: If you step into a supermarket to buy a tin of milk and realize it will expire the next day, will you buy it? 

If you are single, do not manage anyone close to the edge of corruption. Please, “close to corruption” is not an option. He comes to church once in a while, but he is a good boy is not an option. She has a good heart, but she just does not have the time to serve the Lord is not a good one (but she does not miss her friends’ parties). He is an unbeliever, but he is a nice man is not an option. 

Be transparent!

Marriage is a critical decision. 

Make it wisely!

temilOluwa Ola, Eruwa.

There is love in sharing

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