I was speaking to a dear sister some years back. I noticed her spiritual growth as her pastor and I was excited about it. Every Pastor loves a growing sheep! I told her the truth about her courtship.

She had been talking about the man in some previous conversations. I told her, “Can I tell you this? The pace at which you are growing, if your man refuses to grow, you will outgrow him. There will then be problems because you will not be talking about the same values or have the same understanding”.

It happened exactly like that. She fought for it but it dawned on her that their values were not the same even in something as simple as consistent church attendance.

Friends, two things must play strong roles in your decisions in life: First is Growth. The second is Value.

Some of the troubles you will have will come from holding on desperately to people and places you have outgrown. Can you imagine at 25, you are trying to wear a shirt you loved wearing at age 10? No matter how much you try it cannot fit. Can you imagine going back to primary school to join a class? Even the chairs will tell you that you are only stressing yourself.

Most “couple affairs” that began on campus (even fellowships) hit the rocks when one of the parties begins to outgrow the other or they realise that they were hasty in making a choice that will not fit the demand of their destiny. You just realise that you love each other but your direction is no longer the same. You will pull each other apart when the direction is different. And if one person forces himself or herself to go in with it, it will feel like being dragged on the floor by a galloping horse- there will be heavy emotional bruises.

A second challenge will be your values. For instance, you did not know the importance of a local church on your life’s journey but now you are fiercely committed to learning, growing and serving in your local church but your immediate company are still full of “sleepers on service days” not to talk of commitment to serving.

You now realise that your destiny will not be built in a weekend party but the place of prayer. The party has reduced. You now realise that you must be accountable to be responsible but you are in a company that laughs every time you say you want to visit your mentor or pastor.

You now realise that sex before marriage is a breach of the covenant but you are in a company that feels “What is the big deal with having a little fun, at least we are adults or we are getting married?”

You have chosen the high road of purity but you are in the company of those who sit down to watch and discuss the latest in sitcoms, songs and styles that promote nudity and perversion. You all go to church but you see your taste is different.

Growth and Values will always be the demarcating lines in the long run. You will love them genuinely but you know that there are lines you will not cross.

You know the demands of your destiny and nothing will make you settle for less. You know you are on a national assignment with international impact, and you cannot afford a day’s rest in the bosom of a “burning beautiful housewife”. Your destiny will not allow it!

Let your values and growth be tied to the demands of your destiny. Remember, when it comes to your destiny, be brutal. No sentiments!

May your head not find rest where your destiny’s demand will not be fulfilled.

Do not forget the counsel of Solomon:

The righteous should choose his friends carefully, For the way of the wicked leads them astray.
Proverbs 12:26 NKJV

There is love in sharing