It was just a few days after our wedding. A dear one called and said, “Temi, where are you?”. “We are in so and so place. We are taking out the week to rest before we return to base”, I responded. It was our honeymoon. 

She replied and said, “You are a wise young man.” She narrated how she had to eat a very cold meal on the first night of her wedding. Nobody cared. All that was left was leftovers from the reception. She managed it, but she also cried that night. She could not believe that after all they spent, her first meal would be a cold one in her in-law’s house. 

Can you imagine the image that stuck to her from that day? I am sure she kept asking herself why marriage has to start on such a “wicked” note. In a bid to care for many others, a lot of people forget about the couple. 

Focus on yourself. It is not selfishness. Focus on building friendship from scratch. Focus on having a great start to your home. Do not feed the world while you abandon the one who means the world to you. 

Beloved, in my few years of pastoring, I have encountered couples who did not eat at all on their wedding day. Everyone was fed except them. You must become deliberate about your spouse and yourself. 

We always tell people planning to get married in the heat of financial pressure and demands, “You are planning a marriage. Every other person is planning a party. Your focus is not the same. Do not let the pressure of what they are planning make you lose the focus you should have on one another”. The greatest conflict areas will be about people and not about you. 

You need wisdom to build a home and a strong bond with your spouse. Your finest test will begin once you are getting close to marriage. Your wedding will likely be the first project you will plan together. Your differences will show. Your attitude will speak. You will likely argue about some things. 


Homes are built on the foundation of wisdom and understanding. Where there is knowledge, the rooms are furnished with valuable, beautiful things.

Proverbs 24:3-4 GNT

You must ask the Lord for wisdom and understanding. Wisdom is required to build a great home. It takes a lot of wisdom to also relate with people. As you interface with both families, you must ask the Lord for wisdom. You must also speak with wisdom. 

Without wisdom, you will make decisions that will become the foundation of greater troubles. Some couples dug their financial grave because of the pressure of one day. Why on earth would you start your marriage in debt? Now, you are screening the calls to pick. You cannot marry with a blindfold over you. Why plan the wedding on people’s promises and thoughts of recovering funds when you are “sprayed”? It never works! Perish that thought!

Sincerely, ask yourself: “Based on what my spouse and I have or based on our income, what kind of wedding can we afford?” Yes! Tough question. That is the kind of wedding you should have. Explain to your parents. Even if they want to throw a party, implore them not to take a loan. The loan can become your burden later. They will tell you they did it for you, and you should be grateful. 

If you kick start your marriage with pressure on every side, I cannot promise you that you will not be cast down. When you start perplexed, I cannot guarantee that you will not be in despair. If unpaid bills begin to persecute you, I cannot guarantee that you will not feel forsaken. And when the cold responses from your spouse strike you down, I cannot guarantee that you will not be crushed. 

Be wise. Be wise.

May your attempt to put up an image not become the reason for your downfall. Even if you have a talk-of-the-town event, people will still move on! 


There is love in sharing

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