THINGS TO SETTLE BEFORE MARRIAGE (4)
I had a list of those my wife must meet before we get married (asides my relatives). We made quite some trips. It was tough but it was necessary. At a point, someone told us that we have to reduce our trips but I explained that it was key that my wife met all the people concerned.
One of the things you must settle before marriage is integration. The man must bring the woman into his circle and the woman must also do the same.
Marriage will bring you into new seasons but it must not sound the death knell of previous essential relationships. It is strange that people get married and shut down relationships that have added value to them.
Your friends do not have to start begging before they meet the person you desire to marry- that would be strange. Friendship nets should be expanded. Be intentional about it.
One of the signs that a man or a woman has integrity is that there is someone they can be reported to when they do something wrong. Some people do not have relationships in their lives that can hold them accountable for their decisions. They are the alpha and omega of their choices. They are the unquestionable lord of their own tribe.
Let him or her show you the people in his life that he does not take for granted and at least one person that he respectfully fears (asides his parents). Who is that person that you can mention their names in his or her ears and sanity is restored in the midst of the one minute of madness generated by anger?
If you marry a person who is not accountable, you will end up with a lot of emotional baggage. You will carry burdens by yourself. You will be 36 but you will look 66. You will groan at intervals. You will cry when no one is there and smile like all is well in public.
Obviously, the aim is not to report everything to such people. No! The aim is to just create an opportunity for counsel, correction and guidance when it is necessary.
When your husband starts to backslide, who can you tell? He does not study the Word again. He now sleeps when he is meant to pray. She now has a password on her phone that you do not know. Who can help you both up when gravity is pulling the home down?
Who are those people that when you visit, you return with a mental reset even when you have not raised any issue with them? They seem to speak to your need at all times. Do not take such for granted. You must carry them along.
Remember, work on integration. Do not joke with accountability.
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