A beloved one had been trying to push for a while with his parents his decision to get married. He would make considerable progress, but he kept encountering roadblocks. At a point, they went totally silent. It was as though nothing was happening. 

After a service one day, he came to me with a seed. I just had a prompt to ask, “When did you give to your parents last?” Anytime anyone has to think before they answer such a question, you know it is already a bad case. 

The follow-up question was, “Do you give to them at all?” He answered that he gives what he can whenever they ask. I smiled and said to him, “Your seed sown is blessed. Now! Take it and send it to your parents”. He obeyed. He was shocked when they began to call and confirm with him when he wanted to get married.

Good Parents must leave an inheritance for their children, but a great child must be wise enough to ensure that his parents are not abandoned without care. Right on the cross, Jesus was still doing what he could to care for Mary, his mother! Never ignore your family while pursuing a goal, an assignment, an ambition, or marriage. 

Beloved one, marriage sometimes looks like a “farewell” service. This is why most parents and siblings want to ensure you get it right. It may be tougher when you are the only son or the first one your parents invested their life to educate and see you stand on your feet. You need to be wise. 

First, show them over time that you are responsible. Showing you are responsible does not necessarily mean taking over their responsibilities. It simply means that you show by action and thoughtfulness that you care enough about what is happening in your family. If they struggle to get your attention now, they will likely see your desire to marry as “losing a son” rather than “gaining a daughter.” Recharge their lines. Send a token home. A man’s gift still makes way for him. Do this generously, especially when you have parents who would rarely ask you for a thing! 

Second, one person who can convince most parents, especially in our culture, is your pastor or their pastor. Be rooted in the church. Please, grow. Be thoroughly pastored. Many families have grown a relationship of trust with pastors. Some parents tell pastors, “Our children listen to you, and we are grateful for that, and we are seeing their growth.” If you know the level of regard that parents have for their pastors or yours, you will not step on such relationships with dishonour. 

Third, make sure you do not spoil your case by using a tone that shows dishonour even when what you are saying is right. You will lose the case not because you have invalid arguments but because you have refused to present it in honour. You will be surprised how honour wins in dreaded places! Honour disarms resistance. Honour breaks barriers. Honour grants access. Honour wins hearts. 

I know you think you can just railroad your way into marriage. Stop it! Who builds a new home by tearing down the one he will sleep in? Do you have another home? 

Don’t forget this scripture when next you speak with your parents or anyone who you know has a unique role to play on your journey: 

Respond gently when you are confronted and you’ll defuse the rage of another. Responding with sharp, cutting words will only make it worse. Don’t you know that being angry can ruin the testimony of even the wisest of men? When wisdom speaks, understanding becomes attractive. But the words of the fool make their ignorance look laughable.

Proverbs 15:1-2 TPT

©️ temilOluwa Ola, Eruwa.

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