Build Deep-Spirited Friendship in Marriage

I proposed to Irewamiri while I was also her pastor. When she eventually said ‘Yes,’ I felt I had a huge responsibility to see her grow and become that “ministry material.” In the first few days of courtship, I began to load her with Kenneth E. Hagin’s study manuals. Our meetings were like that of a student and her teacher. She answered questions and heard ‘deep revelations.’ We mostly met in my office. It was like a discipleship class.

One evening, she came as usual, but it was unusual. The conversation was one-sided. I kept asking, and she did not answer. Eventually, I requested that we go to a different location. When we got to our new location, I began to probe her and ask questions. Eventually, she said these hard words to me, “We are not friends. You are not my friend”. It was hurting, but I knew the weight of what she was saying. I was still storing her. I was not her friend. We were not growing in friendship.

I changed the game plan. We went to another location, and I began to play and trouble her while she ran around. I kept shouting, “Are we friends now?” She kept saying, “No, I am not sure,” but she was laughing really hard. That day, the walls began to break gradually.

There is something called deep-spirited friendship. That is what must flow from your union. Marriage is not just the joining of spirits; it is the bonding of souls.

If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care—then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends.

Philippians 2:1-2 MSG

When there is love, friendship must also not be missing. There are marriages where friendship is lacking. They act like business partners. There is no bonding. Everything is boring. The woman is seeking warmth and a great atmosphere of friendship, but everything seems to be ‘just there.’ It is more about being daddy and mummy.

There are no more heart-touching conversations and deep-seated laughter. The smiles are plastic, and they fade away quickly. When was the last time you both laughed heartily? When was the last time you took each other out? Why are you always lost in your schedules? Find warmth again.

If you are a pastor or a minister of the gospel looking towards marriage, please be her friend. Aaron had a garment he wore in God’s presence. Some of the garments are not worn everywhere. Stop wearing that smile-less face all over the courtship or marriage. Raise smile offerings. Give attention -offering. When you marry, give a significant touch offering. Let your priesthood bring comfort and leave reminders of warmth and care. Let her think of you while you are away, and let her smile because of the memories of friendship.

Build priesthood.

Build friendship.

Or the marriage will become like a bondage.

Grace.

temilOluwa Ola, Eruwa.