BUILDING RESILIENT MARRIAGES (III)
Sometimes ago, in the early days of our marriage, as I drove to the estate gate where we lived, the Holy Spirit said to me, “Go back home and apologize.” I made a U-turn. I returned home and apologized immediately to my wife. Interestingly, I did not even know that she was annoyed until the Spirit of God pointed it out.
Friends, no matter how much our world underplays spiritual things, a strong marriage is built on the foundation of the couple’s relationship with God and their ability to master His voice.
There were times I would ask my wife amid a conflict, “What is the Spirit of God saying to you?”. In annoyance, she would shrug away my question. But when I asked after the conflict, she would say, “The Spirit of God told me to apologize, but I only wanted you to feel the pain I felt too.” We would both have a good laugh.
Sir/Ma, you cannot carry on for a day without talking to your spouse and still claim that you are a believer- that is absurd! You cannot say hurting words and carry on as though nothing happened. Does not your heart burn within you?
I remember raising my voice once on my wife amid a conflict, and I was already apologizing even though we had not resolved the issue at hand. Do not keep on justifying nonsense! It is either you have a yielded heart or a hardened heart.
You would not know the importance of marrying a man or woman who loves God, fears the Lord, yields to the Holy Spirit, and is teachable until you get into some seasons in marriage. How sweet it is when I go to the Lord to have a chat about my spouse, and it seems as though God is taking sides when he begins to tell me what I need to improve on. I wanted God to be “my messenger,” but he plays his role as a Father indeed.
You do not know how sweet it is when your spouse calls from a meeting or a retreat and says, “Darling, the teaching here has opened my entire file.” You cannot get the joy in it unless you know the Lord and you are fully yielded to Him.
Stubborn hearts cannot build strong homes. Submitted hearts will do much more together than stubborn hearts.
And by the way, the Holy Spirit can teach you to be romantic. Do you know you can ask him to help you in any area you are wanting in your marriage? Everything in marriage will test the fruit of the Spirit in your life:
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.”
Galatians 5:22-23 NKJV
You will love when you do not feel like it. You would have to be patient. You would know that your spouse is not the source of your joy. You will not burden them with a responsibility that is not theirs.
The Holy Spirit will nudge you in the area of your weakness. Your heart will almost pound out of your chest until you hold the hand of your spouse and say, “I am sorry. I love you”. Your grandstanding will turn into a broken heart. Pride will be replaced with humility. Ego will fly out of the window. You will hold your peace when you want to actually scream.
What makes your marriage strong is not the gifts of the Spirit; it is the fruit of the Spirit. You can speak in tongues, and the Holy Spirit says to you, “My friend, go and fix your mess.” That takes walking in love.
If the devil begins to attack your personal devotion, you will soon notice that you are becoming indifferent in your marital responsibilities also.
I remember grumbling once about my wife, and the Lord said to me, “Whatever is wrong in her life is your responsibility.” I was shocked. Well, I took my place and began the work of the “bridegroom” and “husband-man.” Or do both names not show that you have an assignment to nurture? Focus on your assignment and stop grumbling.
Remember, except the Lord builds a house, the builders labour but only in vain. It takes wisdom and understanding to build a house. Do you know that there is the Spirit of wisdom and understanding? You cannot build a great home without the Holy Spirit.
©️ temilOluwa Ola, Eruwa.