HOW TO CULTIVATE PATIENCE AND TRANSFORMATION IN MARRIAGE

Irewamiri and I were in a conversation about the early days of marriage. She said, “In the early days of marriage, I used to wonder if I was in bondage. I could barely do anything or go anywhere by myself. You would always find a way to oppose my decisions”. I told her, “I was only being caring. My intent was not to choke you but to care. It is my duty to care for you. That was what I was doing”. She responded, “It did not feel that way. I was feeling so choked. It was hard visiting friends and family, except it aligns with your schedule”.

One of the things you must not take for granted is the power of growth. Growth is transformational. A farmer is expecting to see fruits, but he does not kill the plant by neglecting it. Never allow your expectations to become a tool of oppression. 

There are times when you can become the hindrance to the transformation you desire. There are cases of people who are praying for their spouses, but their attitudes, actions and words are not consistent with the prayers. A terrible attitude is proof that you do not believe that your prayers are answered. If you believe that your prayers are answered, act like it. 

The person who believes will not make haste. Be calm with your spouse. He still keeps late nights. Well! Tough, but stay calm. She still treats you like you do not exist or with disrespect. Tough. Stay calm, Sir. Keep watering in the place of prayer. Draw strength to walk upright. 

Why? You will be held accountable for your own instructions. Do it well. Love her well even when it is tough. Honour him and respect him even when it is tough. 

Do not build up hatred in your children by telling them negative things about your spouse. How has that helped in any way? You have painted yourself in a good light, but showing them their father or mother is irresponsible. Do not use them as weapons of war. 

There will be times when your emotions become a hindrance to answered prayers. God just covenanted with Abram. In the very next chapter, Sarah suggests a strange alternative. Be calm. Do not let your emotions birth things in your marriage that will stain or taunt your testimony when it finally happens. 

When trusting the Lord for a change but you are not transformed in your words and attitude, you will frustrate yourself. Draw love from the very source till your spouse wonders what is happening to you. 

Do not kill with haste what you have been in faith for. Your faith cannot work without love. 

For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision avails anything, but faith working through love.

Galatians 5:6 NKJV

Your faith cannot work without patience: 

that you do not become sluggish, but imitate those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.

Hebrews 6:12 NKJV

When your faith is tested, let it produce patience in you and not bitter words or bitter actions. 

Patience is the first product of faith before you see the evidence of things you have hoped for. Intercession that has not produced patience in you cannot produce evidence for you. 

Calm down. Prayer will change you first. Then, it will change how you view your spouse before it changes your spouse. I know you want that miracle, but it will start with you. 

What fruits of patience are manifesting in you already? 

Stop using your status to throw subtle jabs. Stop using songs as weapons of war. 

Stop using comparison and sarcasm to cover your wound. 

Patience! Growth! Transformation! Fruits. Are you a good farmer? Then why do you want to kill the plant? Calm down.

©️ temilOluwa Ola, Eruwa