BUILDING RESILIENT MARRIAGES (IV)

That Sunday, my wife looked into the congregation as she taught and said to them, “I troubled my husband in the first two years of our marriage.” I smiled at her. I knew what she meant. She told them the truth. Of late, we also wonder at how much we have grown in bonds. We laugh at mistakes we made in the past. She even gets to tease me sometimes for what I thought to be smart decisions in the early years of marriage. 

Strong marriages are not products of some magical constructions or assumptions; they come out of strong decisions to make the marriage work.

Look around you: Everything that you do not take the pain to understand will become your weakness. Everything you take the pain to master becomes your strength.

There were subjects you started out hating, but at a point, you gave it enough attention and began to appreciate the subject more. What changed? You took the pain to understand it. You can never understand what you fight and hate. You can only understand what you decide to master.

You become mediocre in everything that you give up on. I gave up on learning to play the keyboard, the drums, and the guitar. I am mediocre in all of it today. I have an idea, but I am not a master.

If you give up on knowing your spouse, you will be a mediocre wife or husband. Your home will just be a place for the average- there will only be routine. There will be no spectacular moments.

We had a ‘silent night’ in the early phase of our marriage. I begged my wife for hours to know what the matter was. Eventually, she said, “I don’t think marriage is meant for me”. I collapsed. I was shocked.

If you are not patient enough to master it, you cannot enjoy it. Patience is one of the priceless qualities you must come into a marriage with. See! If you do not come into marriage with the fruit of patience, make sure you are humble enough to learn it in marriage. If you did not come with it and you did not learn it, you will soon give up on your union. 

See every conflict as an opportunity to work as a team and become better. Disagreements should not become “irreconcilable differences”. Sometimes, it is just two adults acting like babies. At times, it is two adults that pain and offence have changed. Both are often not ready to be open to the knife of God’s Word. 

Why must you keep burying issues when they come up? Talk about it. Talk as team members and not as opponents. Do not score points while you lose your marriage. It does not make any sense.

Most likely, you both came into the marriage with two different images of how things are done. Be patient enough to sync your images into God’s ideal image for the home. In the process, you will lose some habits and gain new ones. There is no big deal as long as they are godly.

Marriage is a lifetime commitment to be a student. You will keep on studying and mastering the art of knowing your spouse. You must come in clothed with teachability- that is your shock absorber!

Teachability does not mean suppressing your emotions. Do not be like the student who does not understand what the teacher taught but refuses to ask questions because he is timid.

Ask your questions in love. Do not wait till you are angry to ask questions you could have asked in love. Do not say, “Why do you behave like this?” amid conflict. Ask in an atmosphere of love.

No student asks questions in the examination hall. Learn before the examination comes.

Finally, if there will be no noise in your marriage, be like Solomon’s stones that did not miss the quarry. 

And the temple, when it was being built, was built with stone finished at the quarry so that no hammer or chisel or any iron tool was heard in the temple while it was being built.

I Kings 6:7 NKJV

Let God shape you in secret so you will not be noisy in any form publicly. 

I pray for you grace. 

©️ temilOluwa Ola, Eruwa.